The queen and her loyal consort had a day out at (the) Lords yesterday, reading aloud the coalition government’s wish list for all things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small – unless they are Bulgarian or Romanian and fall ill while they’re over here legally.
Her Madge was joined by her son, and his consort – in fact there was a lot of consorting going on as Charles and Camilla learned how to read out what someone else has written, and sit there looking interested – respectively.
Meanwhile the meat on the bone of the government’s wish list includes the Secretary for Work and Pensions ideas: Poor people should have a cap so they can doff it when speaking to others who think the poor don’t deserve to have enough to live on – let alone live here – comparing them with those immigrants who are coming over here and stealing all the jobs poor people can’t afford to do because they don’t pay well enough, while the children of more well off people end up working for free in the hope of getting a real job, in order to pay off their student loan at some point in the future.
Failing that, they can spend the day smiling at you from behind the counter in a coffee shop, scrawling your name all over a paper cup to make you feel better about the fact that the shop you are in is owned by a multinational that pays no tax at all on the vast profits it makes from your addiction to caffeine.
Meanwhile in other financial matters, the magic of being able to say the national debt is being lowered while national borrowing is still rising is -miraculously – still working. George invited the IMF round this week to tell them ‘the lady’s not for turning!’ and neither is the good ship Britannia – mostly because we can’t afford the fuel to keep the engine running or the lights on…
George and the Queen have been reading from the same hymn book this week, and David has been practicing in front of the mirror too. “Hard working, aspirational, unable to move their savings offshore, families are who this government wants to help by capping benefits and cutting back on tax credits for working (but not hard enough, obviously) families!”
After their recent Local election success, commentators have accused UKIP of influencing the government’s behaviour, something which is being denied in the circles of power, as are the rumours of a whip round to buy Nigel Farage a peerage in the hope it will stop him being a candidate in future elections (who knew that bringing back smoking in pubs would prove to be so popular?).
Sources close to Downing street have said the Prime Minister is watching his back… and front… and, oh my goodness, what’s that falling from overhead…?
Well that’s it for another short edition of Politoons, apart from the football news of course: Sir Alex retires, and the nation has stopped in its tracks to ponder the significance of someone who has sworn a lot in public for the last 26 years, yet still managed to get a himself a knighthood. Well he did do a lot of charitable work, so lets be charitable… No! Let’s tell him to take that gum out of his mouth this instant, and put it on his nose if he hasn’t enough to share with the rest of the class!
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