Yodelphone – the nearly largest global you are free to go phone company has been let off the hook for paying no tax in Britain for two years in a row. A company spokesperson defended their no tax paid status by saying “There are 79 various entities in the UK set up by our accountants, which means that although we made 294 million pounds in profits last year, we can say “if anything, we actually lost money!” without batting an eye-phone… I mean ‘I-lid’.” The mobile carrier defended its unique un-taxable profit position by saying it contributed over £11 bn to public finances around the globe – mostly through the income tax it’s employees have to pay out of their own wages.
Yodelphone also claim to have come up with another innovative no-tax business model: “We’re going to make all our new customers into “subsidiaries” of the company, so we can include a zero tax option in our new range of phone tariffs…”
“We can then hijack any profits customers may make from using our phones, and deposit them into our offshore tax haven account.” (whistle-blowing calls to HMRC and Inland Revenue will still be exempt of course, but spokesperson Laurna Lessun says some calls may still be recorded at their marine park call center for training porpoises)
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