It’s gotten to that time of year when Politoons looks back from the edge of the precipice, and tries to figure out how the hell we got into this mess! What with winter cheer and reminiscing as the snow falls, it’s sometimes difficult to remember just how far we’ve come – if only because our tracks have been hidden by the yellow stained drifts piling up behind us.
So, jumping back through the archive may shed a little light down the tunnel of time, casting a glow-stick view back through the tumultuous recent events of our age, as we hold up our tablet screens in an attempt to record everything as the future flashes by all too quickly. (BTW don’t forget about our monthly cartoon caption contest!)
here’s some monthly highlights in our review of the year
Dateline January 5th, 2013
Remember the Falklands? “Don’t Cry for Me you flag waving colonialists!”, says Argentina President, Christina Kirchner as Britiain’s own Cam-man took on a slice of Antarctica to boot, handing the queen a perfect Jubilee gift:
Cam-Man looks deadpan as Ice Queen accepts QE Land
As a war of words erupts over the Falklands/Malvinas dispute in the south Atlantic, a penguin has been quoted as saying “The idea that we all fall over backwards when a helicopter passes over because we can’t help following it with our eyes is a myth!
Besides which, the islands you refer to are ours, we’ve been nesting peacefully there in our own guano for thousands of years – long before David Attenborough planted spy cams in our nests… ”
read full January story here
Dateline February 4th, 2013
A speedy adieu to Mr. Huhne
Then in February, there was that tale of Dick Dastardly, Chris Huhne, the speeding environment minister who lied and went to prison. However, we can all rest assured that a man of such talent has not been wasted, why he now writes regularly for the Guardian Newspaper! Bastion of honest opinion and reportage!
story link here
Dateline March 24th, 2013
AAA, the 4th emergency credit rating
As the economic dip turned into a double dip, then a triple dip, it now appears to have more ups and downs than a fun ride at Alton Towers. The British Prime Minister took to the airwaves to talk down talk of a downgrade in the UK’s international credit rating. “House Prices, low wages and regular bin collections are far more important than what foreign bankers think of us!” said the PM today on the Sir Marr Tomorrow show (based in an off shore broadcast haven somewhere near the palace of Westminster). “If worse comes to worse, the UK will take out a super injunction to stop all these ratings rumours about our economy which are in danger of spoiling everyone’s fond memories of the London Olympics, let alone the Queen’s speech in 3D!”
story link here
Dateline April 11th, 2013
Tragically, the government was forced to implement an emergency law
Emergency law used to recall Parliament!
Which Politoons – because it couldn’t claim expenses – decided to ignore, so lets move on…
editor: do you think you should explain that this was about the funeral of Margaret Thatcher?
writer: Don’t be ridiculous! Everyone knows she was Mark Thatcher’s Mum!
April story link here
Dateline May, 9th, 2013
The Queen’s Speech Bubble!
The queen and her loyal consort had a day out at (the) Lords, reading aloud the coalition government’s wish list for all things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small – unless they are Bulgarian or Romanian and fall ill while they’re over here legally.
read the full story here
Dateline June 6th, 2013
PM rues return to PMQ’s, and other news from recent political feuds
David Cameron returns to Prime Ministers question time after 11 weeks, asking questions of the opposition party’s leadership in an attempt to deflect attention from the leadership of his own. “I’ll ask the questions here!”… “Oh no you won’t!”… “Oh yes I will!”… “Oh no you…”
read the full June 2013 news here
Dateline July 10th,2013
Politoons publishes its first Education Supplement
Education Secretariat Mikhail Goves-a-chav leaked a new national curriculum to the press yesterday. Tightening his strangehold on the state sector, he has taken a lead in ensuring free schools look even groovier than ever to greying baby boomer Grandad’s who made ‘loads-a-money’ in the 80’s buying discounted shares from every national privatization going.
read the full July story here
Dateline August 16th 2013
in related news,
A level results spark New Baby Boom requirements for spare bedrooms
More babies are being born, which indicates sex traffic in the home is up around the country. Commentators are advising that more housing would be needed but the government wants to encourage poor people with extra bedrooms to offer them up as miniature day care centers to make up for the shortfall in housing benefit that those people have to compensate the government for.
Young parents who have no home of their own will be able to bring their children up during the day in a nearly local “extra bedroom nursery”. They can then pick the kids up after work and head off to queue for beds at the nearest night shelter.
read the full August story here
Dateline September 18th, 2013,
A time for realizing one’s perspective through personal reflection, and couch surfing
today’s message is all about choice!
A) you can choose to read about a high school student who doodles on her thighs:
B ) you can watch an analysis of deregulation and illegal conspiracies that affect the world economy.( click on the video at 16 minutes in, unless you want to watch the report on why the Brazilian president cancelled her meeting with Barack Obama)
C) you can choose both
D) none of the above
Dateline October, 3rd 2013
The Privateering Private Special!
A spokesperson for the queen – who is already part-privatized – said that her majesty is considering branding her Christmas speech to the nation this year. As she spoke to the media in front of backdrops covered in company logos, the queen said through her interpreter that she had come up with the idea after watching sports programs on television, especially those post match interviews where coaches and players are asked mundane questions in order to give air time to the brands who are paying top dollar for the advertising space in the background.
read more October news here
Dateline November 23rd,2013
50th anniversary of nostalgic assassination and near nuclear armageddon
Today, with so many momentus 50th anniversary occasions taking place – from Dead Kennedys to Dr. Whose – Politoons has decided to wreak it’s own devastating sense of nostalgia on the world of remembrance.
So here is a link to the extended sound byte known as HUMANITIES HISTORIES, a tuneful glow in the firmament of musical nostalgia and poetic injustice!
The whole race
Like duty free
Snuck through customs
On a booze cruise…
read more November news here
Dateline December 7th,2013
Drones deliver goods for online retailers in world wide ‘hood!
Amazon and Google branched out into further automation than anyone wants or believes possible with the suggestion that in the future they will use drones to deliver such things as Google Glasses, and food groceries, as the idea of being book merchants and search engines finally gets left behind in their ‘do no evil’ quest for world domination. Armed with driver-less vehicles, and being the go-to source for most of the information that governments collect about their citizens, the two interweb giants are fighting it out on their face pages, tweeting each other with flames, and sending armies of trolls out against each other, the size of which even J.R.R Tolkien* could only ever dream about.
(*author of Lord of the Rings, not Flies)
read more of the scraps we can afford to throw into the Politoon piranah pond here. If you feel like dipping a toe in yourself do get in touch, (otherwise we recommend swaddling your foot in chain mail first).
Enjoy your Hol’s or your zero hour contract as best you can, and drop back anytime, we’re with you in spirit if not in government.
BTW: The latest collection of Politoons and Satire “The World of Humour Needs you!” will be out after Xmas – (the perfect marketing strategy…not! say our editor) meanwhile, you can always preview The Cod Philosophy of MacD – volume one which is still on sale online:
buy it online here and get an automatic 10% discount