In social networking news, Cat Porn Fears Escalate!
(reprinted by popular demand)
Video clips of cats and small babies doing inane things continue to take up valuable information space on the inter-web. Even this column is not immune from the postings of ‘cat-porn’ by multi-media enthusiasts with more bandwidth than they know what to do with. People are increasingly desperate to find free things to share on social networking sites in order to feel that although they have little to say, their lives are justified and their existence still somehow palatable to the rest of human society.
World governments curb abuse of the word‘free’!
“Freedom of speech is fine as long as you don’t keep going on about it!” Said an exasperated government spokesperson today squawking like a bird strung up by its legs on a chicken wing assembly line. Today’s governments have come to realize the confusion amongst first time non-voters regarding use of the word ‘free’ in so many different areas of both their public and their un-private lives. After research by a right wing linguistic ink tank, studies have begun to emerge that show the public is less and less likely to believe that something is really ‘free’ because so many free offers come with strings attached, or more usually, a lifetime commitment to believing everything you are told without so much as a pause for thought.
Television Review Supplement:
Sherlock Holmes recognized as the most coincidence dependent television program ever produced!
Critics have praised the new Sherlock for being based on the most unlikely series of coincidences and blind luck ever seen on anything that looks like a screen. Far from wanting to write stories that viewers can believe might happen, Sherlock Holmes inhabits a different dimension of television from our own, where plot twist are picked up and dropped faster than a piping hot oven pan that you forgot to wear the gloves for.
While coincidentally, the faux-military personnel storyline often gives costume designers something to do with all the amazing technicolour technology we’ve been able to access through our television screens since the mid 60’s.
One critic outside a homeless shelter tweeted “It’s like Dr. Who, except the doctor is the little sidekick guy who played the hobbit and used to be the geek from the office a really long time ago.”
Helpful Television Tips:
How to write an episode of Sherlock:
Introduce incidental characters and villain, plant vital clue
Find Sherlock in absurd situation, arbitrary person becomes plot device
Cut to banter between buddies
Everyone acts badly, near death experience
Friend betrays him, what the, how did we get here?
Sherlock forgives friend for trying to kill him
Viewer gives up and goes to bed
Television Postcode lottery for Benefit Street Documentary!
Chanel Number 4, the fragrant television station that likes to bend viewers to its will, has turned it’s 6 part documentary program “Community Spirit” into trash TV’s “Benefits Street”. After lying to the people whose lives have been blighted by agreeing to participate in the program in the first place, Chanel number 4 is currently filming a documentary showing how the residents of “Benefit Street” now cower behind the curtains as cars full of aggressive bullies drive up and down honking and shouting “Benefit Street!” and laughing at anyone who happens to be walking down the pavement. C4 said they would hand film footage over to the police to investigate! (not footage of the bullying because c4 don’t have the bullies written permission, rather the program makers have given Police all the footage of the poor sods who originally signed in the first place, thinking their “community spirit” was going to be celebrated through the media. Eric Pickles was quoted as saying ” Eee by gum that mades I larf!”
In other news:
The Olympic security firm Gee4Us, disqualified from competing in Britain’s security team at last year’s London Games has offered to build new prisons for the country instead. When Justice Minister Cress Faylings was asked if he would like fries with his new penal institute, he reportedly replied “supersize me!” and approved tying future governments into million pound contracts with performance un-enhanced Gee4US for many tax paying decades to come.
Referendum on British Independence from the United Kingdom!
A referendum on independence for people who don’t want to be part of the EU or live in a Britain that includes Scotland, may be blocked by the undemocratically elected House of Lords. In a display of anti-coalition politics a LibDem-Lab coalition seems to be forming that has stunned the governing Tory-LibDem coalition, the original cross party group that most people didn’t vote for in the last election either.
OMG! You’re still there? Why not have a go at our 3rd Politoons Caption Contest? just click on the cartoon here, and go to the contest page. You only might make someone smile!
that’s it for your January 16th, 2014 Politoons update, you can get these straight in your inbox by following Politoons – just click on the Follow button, or RSS feed option on the right of your screen.