Grammy awards were given out to people before they died, as the world of music reflected on itself through the looking-glass of two trophy hunters dressed as robot space people.
In a tribute to the pet shop boys, two Frenchmen who twiddle knobs won a decidedly retro looking gramophone trophy that reflected well in their space helmet visors.
Two other not dead yet people received a pair of lifetime musicians union memberships for not being dead yet, reminding everyone of how much better things were before Yoko split up the Beatles and Paul married Heather. The former Beatle-bassist and drummer team then teamed up with each other to sing a brand new song with incredibly repetitive nonsensical lyrics – a musical device quite common in contemporary pop circles, meaning lyrics to songs can be easily tweeted by using #repeat in-between the lines of various words being sung one after another.
Other interests were focused on who was and who wasn’t being a twerk at this year’s awards, as rappers were celebrated for finding a way out of being labelled homophobic while still being allowed to refer to women as ‘ho’s’. A mass wedding of same sex couples desperate to be on television took place as various singers abseiled into the crowd wearing gold leafed teeth, and hummed along to an old man’s collaboration with ex Nirvana musicians still recovering from the shock of Kurt Cobain’s long absence. ( It’s rumoured that if Kurt were still alive he would have received a lifetime achievement award at this year’s Grammy’s, as well as the National Rifle Association’s “Charlton Heston” award, usually given away at Clint Eastwood’s shooting range in Shogun, Idaho.
Many names were dropped from the guest list for the celebrated American Music awards, while Grammy-crashers included world leaders from around the United States sending in short video clips explaining why they weren’t able to attend, because of being double booked to appear at the Davos Summit. World Leaders like Bonobo and Matt Damion II wished everyone a self satisfying pat on the back for manipulating the industry and people’s purse strings so successfully for yet another year. Later in the day, a Grammy Press Release was leaked to the media complaining that France’s first – or is she second? – lady was unable to attend because of some charity thing in India, and hadn’t the good grace to send in a “Gee Grammys you’re great!” Video clip, or even a stupid little selfie… -un-friggin’-believable!
In other actual news, the Labouring party of the Currently United Kingdom has broken it’s waters in the run up to the forthcoming election, and has started pushing shadow Chancellor Balls out into the public eye. With a 50 p tax rate for the rich who avoid paying taxes, Balls intends to remind the country of the good times to be had, like those that were had in many good times previously.
Meanwhile the Education Tsar Michail Gove-a-chav has been seen forcing state educational institutes to become academies at gun point, selling off schools to chain store education suppliers. The chains have expelled or suspended two-thirds of the existing heads – both masters and mistresses of pupils destinies – for giving away free school meals, and going on holiday with their parents without prior chain store approval. Most sentient beings who send their children to school have noticed the Tsar’s insistence on selling off schools prior to the next election, when as Gove-a-Chav says, “it will all be too late to change everything back! Mwahahahahahaha….!”
Having spent billions copying plant DNA, the world wide bio-industry has created a complete replica plant that can be patented and thereby replace the outdated non-Gm original. The prototype GMnonGM plant is to be test grown in the UK at a military free enterprise zone somewhere near a well stocked fish farm. Scientists say this is a real break-though in technology currently being harvested for the profit of lawyers and shareholders in the increasingly competitive How-the-hell-do-we-monetize-this? industrial world of SUPERFOOD.
Anti-copying-plants-for-profit campaigners ( the ACDCDoublePC) have threatened to destroy any artificial crops sown into the fabric of society as the government changes laws to make things much easier for private businesses to interfere with the inalienable rights of individual citizens – some of whom have existed for centuries.
What! You haven’t entered the 3rd Politoons Caption Contest? go on go on go on…
That’s it in a nutshell for this week’s news, you might want to squirrel these thoughts away until next time when things may seem to have become an even fainter shade of pale.