Chancellor boy George unveiled his new tattoo, a heavily overwritten display of prime numbers cascading from a small calculator which when he flexed his bicep grew to the size of a small calculator. Balls of Ire, the shadow of the Chancellor spoke ill of the dead, well Maggie anyway, then tried to encourage young people to vote saying he could feel their pain, having only recently just scraped through his year three piano exam himself. Yes the mouth that launched a thousand blips was drowned beneath a sea of hate figures on the government benches today as they hailed themselves and their ‘we’ll have to make do with him for the time being’ leader. Meanwhile waves of Ukrainian boat people did not flood across Europes unprotected Eastern flank like the charge of the Light brigade thundering in the opposite direction over 100 years ago, “but it was a close run thing” said experts given air time to say such things.
Missing planes in the Straights of Malay were meanwhile considering the possibility that they were being looked for in the wrong place. So a team comprised of the Gays of Malay were instead sent into space to search for satellites that should have noticed where the flight had gone long before it had stopped going where it was supposed to. Arrival lounges in airports around the world were put on hold in case the plane showed up and everyone aboard had to be told that they could not disembark. “Plane people are the new boat people especially in Australia” said some Village people recently at a premier of ‘Priscilla in the desert –the director’s cut’. It is rumoured that even the original inhabitants of the worlds largest island can’t get rid of the alien creatures that for hundreds of years have overseen their asylum seekers hostels and rampaged like copulating rabbits through their corridors of power.
Meanwhile in local news, the newspapers were delivered late again this morning as the usual child labourer has reached puberty and is now deemed fit for work. Having been chucked out of the family home so they can rent out the spare room and pay the bedroom tax. The young ex- paper person is now forced to sleep in the rough until he becomes old enough to go to uni, where he can borrow ridiculous amounts of money and learn how to get out of paying it back.