A part time computer game expert and MP for a constituency in the United Kingdom where nothing ever happens – so he can doze off whenever he likes – says it’s an outrage that salaried people representing their constituents are photographed doing what they like in committee meetings! He expressed disquiet that anyone should criticize an elected member for the act of showing up and sitting there quietly without annoying anyone. Other governing members agree that too much importance is placed on what is said in these meetings, and not enough emphasis is made of the fact that everything is written down
One formerly large member described his own committee experience as akin to a 60’s acid flashback. Having dropped to the floor in boredom and fainted away at the thought of another two hours of taxpayers money funding his presence, he suddenly woke to find himself lying in a pool of urine whilst surrounded by a crack team of paramedics. “If a Member of Parliament can maintain consciousness by not doing what they’re paid for when they’re supposed to, then good on them I say!” He said, offering our reporter a puff on his vape-pipe.
Nigel vents feelings about weaning public from breast feeding!
The loan arranging MEP who doesn’t want to be an MEP has delivered a devastating body blow to lactating humans around the world. Having little to do in Brussells besides finding neo-fascist sympathisers to join his “we don’t want to be here!” crusade in order to keep getting the EU money he doesn’t want, Nigel has the nation’s nipples in his sights as he plans his election strategy. Luckily, we know his is not a one-issue, one nation, one man band kind of leaving party, and he has sent everyone a xmas card showing how if elected, he will cause road accidents, crash into houses, and kill! kill! kill! before stopping off for a pint to talk about foreigners with the man on the Clapham omnibus.
Boy George-iO grappled with the cuts he promised to make this week by sending house prices soaring! Another boost to the helium balloon known as property values means little Englanders can call their home a castle, even if it is a tarmaced garden terraced house with a white van in the drive and has flags for curtains. Just in time for the season of giving! Oh Nigel, I can’t believe you got me a tattoo for Xmas! How thoughtful! I love the trill of the pipes and the beat of the drum… oh I see, not that kind of tattoo…
Formerly a world leader in the search for other worlds, the National Ar-u Serious Agency has launched an unmanned manned spacecraft into orbit in order to see if will fall back to earth. The successful mission was preceded by much gnashing of teeth when the wind got up their respective shirts and skirts which meant delaying the launch – which isn’t as easy as it sounds because they then have to count the 10 seconds to lift off r-e-e-e-e-a-a-a-a-l-l-l-l-l-y-y-y-y-y- s-l-l-l-l-l-l-o-o-o-o-o-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-l-l-l-y-y-y-y….
The plan is to spend trillions putting a couple of people onto Mars before the Earth becomes incapable of supporting life for the billions still here! A spokesperson for NASA’s Intern programme said “See? There’s a real plus side to spending money on visiting other worlds instead of fixing this one.”
Closer to home, Europe has decided to break the law of the sea and ignore anyone drowning in the Mediterranean who doesn’t have a European passport. The UK government rushed to back the idea until it realized this would include Brits. (In related news, Westminster politicians have been demanding that the French city of Calais be closed down and moved to Eastern Europe before the province of England votes to leave the United Kingdom)
Following the Australian model of aiming guns at anyone who looks indigenous and attempts to approach their shores in anything other than first class accommodation, Britain’s coalition of power have moved to invent the “thought police”. Politicians who look up from their ipads say they intend using George Orwell’s “Road to Wigan Pier” and “1984” as instruction manuals for building the first flat pack surveillance state in world history. (inevitably there will be a few screws missing, no allen key, and the cupboard door still won’t close properly!)
oh, and don’t forget about the book and the caption contest!
Wondering what to get for the person who has to get everything? Why not bring a smile to their furrowed brow with ‘The Enigma Deviations’? A compendium of hidden treasures; jokes and drawings that lie waiting beneath the covers like your favourite album – or possibly your favourite person.
The Enigma Deviations encapsulates 120 pages of single panel cartoon humour by Mac D, the man of mystery behind Politoons.
A 21 cm square coffee table book that looks as good off the shelf as it does on the train.
You won’t find The Enigma Deviations listed on Amazon or any other merchandising site. So order a single copy or multiple copies here – we can get them delivered to you within 5 working days from receipt of payment. Or if you can, visit Jam Records, in Falmouth Cornwall where you can pick up a copy straight away!
The Enigma Deviations, £10 plus p+p
(check out a currency converter here )
The 5th Politoons Caption Competition
The 5th Cartoon Caption Competition will be announced on Wednesday December 10th, so here’s the toon waiting for your quip! leave your line in the box below!