Manga Carter, the comic book that laid the foundations of democracy in the 13th century is celebrated in a special 800th year edition that brings back all the key characters in the ultimate battle of legislation between rich and poor. King John, the whimsical King who ran up credit faster than a toothache causes pain, finds himself surrounded by robber Barons who want to see a decent return on their investment in his crown. Having lost most of France to the French, the English King must now pay back his lenders or face up to the Papal Bull that snorts in the corner of his power hungry mind. Tune into the final episode narrated by Melvyn Bragg, staring Ray Winston as the psychopathic monarch bent on unifying a nation by handing over full control of the law of the land to aristocrats who want to have a go at doing whatever they want whenever they want for a change!
Will England quake, or have a bake off? Only time will tell what our dark hero’s fate will be as he faces his greatest fear: Having his expenses scrutinized by an independent watchdog! Get Manga Carter! Outed Now, under royal seal and state protected.
Driverless economies to replace chancellors and treasury’s over coming decades!
The success of driver-less trains, planes and automobiles has emboldened the British Chancellor to make an election pledge to taxpayers that would officially make him redundant if a government wins the next election as expected. Plans for May 2015 include many more automatic ticket machines, barriers, check outs/ins for the burgeoning virtual country being touted as ‘e-UK.com’. a non-existent online nation to be sold off in dribs and drabs if a British government comes out on top in the Strictly Politics vote being held by the BBC this spring.
Judges are already practicing their metaphors, odd accents and handy quips in readiness for the peacock like displays expected from celebrity politicians. In an overview of how things are shaping up, the fau-clay company Play Doh has been manufacturing hand held devices to help young people create carefully crafted caricatures of their favourite political couch potatoes.
Expect more mud slinging, blood letting, and goofy photographs of people doing odd things like eating while on the campaign trail. Media moguls expect ski slopes to get their drifts to pile up as party leaders plow on down the slippery run in to the election.
Nostalgia rampant amongst over 50’s, latest studies reveal.
A worrying increase in nostalga-phobia is causing concern in diminishing government circles. Older people who in previous generations used to tell their younger counterparts how lucky they were to live in an age of combustion engines and atomic power, are increasingly being retro-negative about current lifestyles. Where the older generation once went on about rationing and being beaten with corporeal implements as part of their education, nowaday’s vintage citizenry are more likely to be telling the youngsters that they never had it so bad.
New policies by previously backward thinking political parties will make nostalgia-philia into a criminal offence, and are warning nearly previous generations to hold back on the ‘it was better in my day’ advice, or face having their ring fenced pensions un-ringed in future parliaments. A spokesperson for a group that wants to keep nostalgiaphilia legal was unavailable for comment yesterday, so we asked a senior editor to make up a quote on their behalf: “Telling young people about grants for education when they are only used to a world of loans, and being in debt before they leave the nest is an important part of this country’s heritage!” Our token oldie then went on to say “Living wages, employment contracts, social safety nets, freedom of expression and peaceful protest are bread and butter – obviously I mean bread and margarine for those who are vegan, and gluten free bread for… without nuts either, anyway gluten free bread, dairy free butter, right? – these are the issues that people don’t realise went along with making a killing on property values, being greedy about deregulation – let alone always moaning about the government and red tape without having the foggiest as to how you would do things differently. These are the memories that are under threat if we criminalize nostalgia, then no one will know what life was like before the internet let alone reddit, facecrook and twitting and whatsits! For the sake of future generations, we simply cannot stand idly by drinking bolly and waving our walking sticks in the air as if we were stereotypical representations of our parents!”
We all nod and smile patiently until the senior editor says “those who forget history are destined to…eh… whatsit!”