Wake Up! My Day Off is screaming at you:
“There, stewing like hot plated sovereigns in dish shaped bowls of cratered earth I gathered crops of tooth paste and floss into mouthfuls of saliva and spat them out like so much discarded conversation.”
The Queen’s Palace Dream is a Nightmare in Waiting:
Don’t worry though. El Queeno – the strange annual effect of dominion over the pacified nations of the formerly wave ruling United Kingdom has influenced government weather formations enough to exponentially increase the income of the wealthiest monarch in the country (well, the only one…) Meanwhile simultaneous tax credit subtraction from people who can’t afford to pay tax is being used to feather her highness’s nest. Equality has officially become something that Old Etonians can discuss over quail eggs and caviar without fear of revolution, as they bemoan the loss of empire that had previously banished the unruly or unkemp to some far flung corner of the globe – Happy Birthday Magna Carta!
Health Self-Service Sound Byte says Minister:
Meanwhile sickness is rife in the health service, where illness is being singled out by the Minister for Health PLC. “Look” says he of the needlessly unsympathetic when confronted by advisors, “I’ve sent you a letter saying shut up or take early retirement. You can’t have both so if you don’t like it, choose your weapons now!”
250 thousand people can’t be wrong:
Protesters in London scratched at the surface of what is wrong with Britain when they said enough was enough and waited for the Prime Minister to admit he’d got it wrong on pretty much everything. Even the Prime Minister was forced to admit he was wrong about one thing: that 5 years ago, even he never imagined that the Conservative Party could have gotten away with it.
It’s Official – English Women ARE Better at Footie than English Men:
In football news, no one noticed that England was doing well for once, because it was the woman’s team. England’s Women made it into the quarter finals of the world cup before the men did (in fact no British men’s team has ever managed to qualify for any women’s world cu). Given that the world cup is taking place in the colonies anyway, it is expected that no one will notice unless the English Lionesses come back with a nice shiny cup, or failing that, a series of leaks about performance enhancing drug use. The media waits with baited breath and potential hash tag news feed space – largely because football is more popular than other drug sports like cycling and distance running in the battle of between media sexists and media sexiness.
International Invasions Invasive, study finds:
And that’s about it, for this week’s important “WTF” moments of modern history. Apart from Presidents using the N word obviously, and petrol heads continuing to profit from the most over priced form of racing in human history (as Formula 1 popularity begins to sag, it is time to sell sell sell!)
Good luck with your sweet dreams, and don’t forget to tune into the “splendidly idiosyncratic” My Day Off on Radio Resonance FM 104.4 in London, or live on your wet dream webstream. Monday Nights, 22:00 hr GMT +1
cheers for now,
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