Extrajudicial killings are now provided freeby the taxpayer funded military instead of the antiquated taxpayer funded courts. The suddenly rubber stamped landmark ruling allows pilot-less robots to bring swift death and justice to ex-pats and their neighbours who live in any bomb-able foreign land. Prime Meister David “Bomber” Cameron faced tough questioning over sending air ships into the desert in search of welsh people suspected of hiding in head coverings and beards. The unrepentant leader of the Conserva-kill-list Party went on to accuse anyone opposed to the use of military force to assassinate ex-pat British citizens of being “like, really un-grown-up and stuff!”. Reminding the rubber stamp club of MP’s surrounding him that the cost of having an attorney general in your pocket is to be replaced by the assumption that anyone accused of an offense must be guilty anyway, innit, at the end of the day, I’m not a racialist but… where you from anyway?
Meanwhile the Government deftly avoided the anti-European migration crisis by insisting that Britian could find its own refugees – thankyou very much! Intending to go to the source of refugees and find the best ones -preferably anti euro ones, who had stayed behind because the last thing they want is to be part of Europe! Euro-sceptics in the government were content in the knowledge that any refugees taken in by the English part of the British Leadership would first be vetted for their UKIP sympathies, then offered British only visas at a yet to be disclosed non-european price.
Dredging for Britain!
Yetserday’s minutes from Parliament clarifyied that the government’s slim majority is held together by a Conservative manifesto pledge to dredge the English Channel until it is deeper than the world record Marianas Trench. Expanding on the expansion of the distance between Britain and Europe, conservative planners will soon unveiled a vision for removing the topsoil of England from the sea bed beneath in order to drift the entire British Isles further out into the Atlantic, where they can host as many American Military bases and nuclear armaments as the nation’s hot air suspension system will allow.
Hospital Staff Shortages seen as sign of business success!
Business leaders have come out in support of Bed Staff and financial shortcomings in the nation’s hospitals today, saying that this is a sign of an improving economy in the medical industry. Not having enough trained staff may be largely down to underfunded Nursing Colleges, but staff shortages also indicate a growing market in private health care that could quickly expand into the vacuum left by an under resourced national health care system, a new studies by the IPPI (the Institute Paid for by Private Industry) claims.
The end of Britain’s oldest current King or Queen is nigh, but still awaits further Helen Mirren adaptations to be spun out to Hollywood before she feels ready to retire . Her Madge intends to go out with a bang along with one of the largest inherited fortunes in the country – left intact by more than a dozen different parliaments who one after another fawned disgracefully at her feet for the entirety of her reign. All for want of a horse! Or at least an OBE…
(bet I’m not getting one – ed.)