Suicide Note found in Tory Battlebus!
An extensive search for someone from the government to interview after the launch of the conservative Election Manifesto has unveiled a note pinned to the hopes of Trace May’s vision for a whiter future. In it loyal party supporters have been lumped in with the feckless miscreants who litter the country with their unwanted souls like leeches preying on the stick legs of the ageing land owning class. “Join me” said May yesterday in an old mill surrounded by old men who appeared to have been spray bombed with grey blue war paint before entering the well guarded hall.
“OMG – Jeremy Corbyn had a mother!” Tory leak latest shock to national well being
The not yet dead well read leader of the BeLaboured Party has been revealed to be an actual son of someone, as evidence of his having inherited things from his mother when she passed away circulate endlessly in Government echo chamber circles like the BBC. As investigative reporters played bridge with bored well off elderly people who look about my age, their overdubbed narrative tugged at the heartstrings as loyal Tory voters blamed the poor for being poor and patted themselves on the back for still being able to remember the day they first voted for Margaret Thatcher.
Tory Poll slippage seen as good news for reluctant PM!
Having realised the galactic dimensions of the sh*t storm approaching Britain, the woman who only wants what’s best for the people who are against globalisation and for world trade may be having second thoughts about the bollocks of a mess created during the last 7 years of not reducing the deficit, net immigration or unsqueezing the middle while having promised to do so that she is now responsible for as she transforms her party into a UKIP government. After a quiet word with her husband on the One Show watched by millions, Trace and her bin man are hoping to have more time to themselves once theyy lose the election so someone more qualified can get on with running the country.
That’s it for now, more Politoons news as it breaks over our heads like an unexpected hail storm.