Deathism is worse than Ageism says UK.gov Dogsbody

Deathism is worse than Ageism says UK Government Dogsbody

Government fink tank experts are predicting a future that will unleash untold riches for the untold rich. Fighting against red tape red corbyn and red till your dead doorknobs, Prime Meanster B. Johnson has enlisted the powers of the dead to propose a bold new perspective on the idea that you work til you drop without a break for tea, lunch retirement or even your own funeral. “Afterlife profits have been overlooked for too long in this country! My government is proposing not to prolong retirement, but instead to promote afterliving! This is a government that wants to support citizens who take pride in their work and don’t necessarily want to stop working just because of dying! ThevNew Ageism is something that Brexit will allow us to achieve without the namby pamby celestial rule makers in Brussels getting in the way of the desire of the British people to work themselves to death, and to have the right to carry on!.”

Realtor President to buy Greenland

A prime military landscape is in the pipeline and ready for the exchange of contracts with Trump Partners once the offer you can’t refuse has been confirmed.
(Actually, I don’t think this is a joke. ed)

Hong Kong running out of Umbrellas

Having become the symbol of resistance against the Party run state of China, HK now finds that every available umbrella is being used in protest against the Party franchise government of Hong Kong. It never rains but it pours says HK’s leading brelly manufacturer. China maintains that HK doesn’t need umbrellas, and should comply with un-umbrella culture traditions in line with the state controlled state of the mainland.

Germany’s Recession Proof Quantum Easing

One of the highlights of being European is taking comfort in the stability of the German economy. Even the recent shakes of Merkel have not shaken confidence in the german model (Angela recently made the cover of Vogue) So cars, diesel and otherwise are still the powerhouse behind the throne of Euro stability, and no, there will be no downturn, no uprising and no middle incomes as far as Deutchebank is concerned.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“Hey Nige, lay off Greta!” Says Planet

Hey Nige, lay off Greta! Says Planet

The world has decided it has a voice and has used it today to insist Nigellistas of the Faragist Brexiteers stop bothering the teenage girl who is trying her best to save the planet for future generations of people other than the idiotologues who follow Nige around like flies spawning in rotting meat.

Of course there are other nit-shitz who the world would like to emasculate were it able to – as a living entity currently breaking out in a rash because of its human irritants – but the world is a grown up, so won’t go into the kids bedroom after dinner and tell them how unfair it is to speak the truth about what is actually happening to the global project most people call “the future”.

Thankfully, there are hair worriers more concerned with the leader of the free world’s ability to stand in front of helicopters somehow, without his tupee getting sucked up into the blades. Such likes are too busy dreaming about re-erections of the white supperpremierists – people who think they should be first in line for desert even though they’ve thrown their plates of food away and haven’t noticed the skid marks on their edible undies.

Not that I’m one to talk big words and sway anyone with how things are, it just seems that  threatening teenagers with climate denying Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah Ness from the isolation of a grown up’s bedroom is no way to seek respect from your peers.

So like the Planet says, put a dirty sock in it Nige, and suck up the reality, the only global conspiracy is your flat earth society aggro and desperation for headlines.

yours

the effing planet

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Project Fear Jumps the Shark!