president defect calls for nation to come together

 

domestic-policy-politoons

Do you think I’m Brexie?

No MARMAYBE for British consumers
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(with thanks to annie)

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pOlitOons flashback

politoons-uk-flag-macdAs the scatalogically challenged lump collides with the swirling air propeller, perhaps it is time to take stock of things that have led to this, our joyous interlude of incomprehension.

george osborne and the uk budget by macd

poverty being a state of mind by macd

©m.dunlop2011

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The “Britain Rues, OK!” issue

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IDS-lies-nhs-macd-smSLEEP BEFORE YOU GO GO!

Now we can all sleep soundly, safe in the knowledge that a bunch of people with no idea of what to do next are running the country. But when was it any different? The government has decided to consume itself with infighting and hatred, and – not out manoeuvred – so has the opposition.

ROAD MAP FOR BREXIT!

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All roads in England now lead to the emergency Brexit – it’s just there through the unlit stairwell beneath the houses of parliament where Guy Fawkes once left enough barrels of gunpowder to blow the pips off the news bulletin at the top of the hour. If you find your way through that and the raw sewage pipes we had to clean up because of EU regulations (bah boo hiss! how dare they say how to clean a beach! What next? Climate Change? Nigel! Go get ’em boy! Kill Kill Kill! Grrr….) Eventually you’ll find yourself in the channel tunnel.  At least we’ll get our Calais  Jungle back “It’s coming home, they’re coming home The jungle’s coming home!” to Dover where it belongs along with all the struggling migrants trying to get into Britain. So, job done! All we have to do now is accept the will of a toussel haired nutcase who jumps on any passing bandwagon – or is that the United States? Whatever! Too much thinking causes cancer so less is more as far as breaking out the oars and rowing ourselves out into the mid Atlantic while the sharks circle to peck at the dangly bits slowing numbing in the reversing Gulf Stream goes.

THE PLAN… WHO’S GOT THE PLAN?

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Perfect! So, plan of action time is over, we can all start to properly panic without politicians getting in the way with their wars of words or attempts at squeezing actual facts through the multi-headed multi-national multi-muck chucking meat mangle we call impartial media.
Thanks to them we can now sit back and watch as  Nigel Fexage and Ian Duncan Death Wish generate a double headed shit storm faster than the internet’s best cloud seeding chem trail conspiracy theory can spread search terms.

BRITON’S MINUS HOUR!

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This is Britain’s finest hour, or minute maybe, or maybe just second. Enough time to rewind the old super 8’s of the sixties and marvel at how the Beatles  morphed from mop tops to acid heads in the blink of a historical eye. “Never mind the bloody music,” say the experts, t’was the celebrity culture what done it!

So wrap yourself in that flag once reserved for groups with racist overtones, and feel the stingy pride of post colonialism. We’re all peasant farmers now, vassals to the crown and her cronies who need somewhere to park their super yachts for the Queen’s birthday celebrations before chugging off into international waters to avoid paying taxes while burning through 600 litres of high Sulphur crude – just far enough away to call themselves offshore to use incoming rubber dingies overloaded with nationless poor people for target practice – while some un-resigned flunkie tries to turn round the supertanker.

LEADER’S BREXIT PROMISE FULLFILLED!

lastly, thank you David for dragging the nation into a puddle before letting your mates whack it with cricket bats until it lies bloody and swollen as a trapped Koi Carp gasping for air while the gulls glide excitedly down from overhead.pm-resigns-ref-macd-sm
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the Brexiteer’s Unfocused Group Guide to the EU Referendum (B.U.G.G.E.R) part II

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72Will the last Briton to leave the EU please brick up the tunnel?

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Of course it is very easy to trivialize the IN/OUT debate, to think of it as a form of navel gazing – which in some insey/outsey circles it used to be – but this decision does affect our lives, and our televising of sporting events. For example, the IN/OUT debate as it applies to the NHS:

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The fact is, the outcome of this referendum won’t affect people my age nearly as much as it will the coming generations, but they have been well equipped by the Academization revolution that has dispensed with the arts to make more room for managers and assessment gurus. The new education system has streamlined the function of learning into it’s basic components.

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A lot of people are concerned about how leaving Europe will affect them financially and how to manage their gold plated savings and bonus culture profit making…

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But what gets most people is the Brussels double speak! The endless resources spent on whether to call a Pastie a Pastie, or whether Cream Teas come from Devon or Cornwall. ‘Tis health and safety gone mad! (shriek, tear hair out, shake fist behind windscreen in fit of rage, etc)

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Of course for most people the biggest issue is security. Remember Charlie Hebdo? Sensible Brexiteers think we’re better off leaving the French to die on their own streets, to just walk on by, observe from a distance, stick two fingers in our ears and sing lah lah la lah lah la lah lah…! until they let us win at something.

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“But” they say, what about our rights at work? Well lets face it the UK has been flouting EU work regulation for the last two successive governments, and seems to have an opt out clause on everything from the working time directive to written contracts, so if anything leaving Europe will just make exploiting the low waged and stripping them of their dignity as we do now, just that little bit easier for Mr. Boss Man.

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In any case, the UK whether it becomes Scottish-less or not has always had in place some influential people behind the scenes ready to step in and take charge if a Brexit ends up going peer shaped…
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So stiff upper lip and all that,
here’s to whatever happens next!

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thanks for taking part in The Politoons
Brexiteer’s Unfocus Group Guide to the Referendum
(BUGGER for short)

follow us or leave us a message or comment, we’d love to hear from you
cheers
Mac D
editor
politoons.com
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TKO is final blow to Brexit Poll Road Show!

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for more info see Politoons Brexiteer’s Unfocused Group Guide to the EU Referendum
do follow, share, link and tweet us (and BTW yes, he was great) thanks for dropping in
Politoons

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Politoons Brexiteer’s Unfocus Group Guide to the Referendum (B.U.G.G.E.R.) pt I

A Brexiteer’s Unfocused Group Guide to the EU Referendum
(B.U.G.G.E.R) pt Ipolitoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72

 

Free your Mind, unfocus your group and lets break down the break down in communication that is descending into farce and makes the monster raving looney party look like they actually have a coherent policy for governing Britain.

Firstly, our great leader – no not him, the other one, the one the Queen likes – has been in the hot seat, squirming under fire on Sky ( a bastion of sticky pudding quagmire for the less than right minded). Not for the first time David has been forced out of his chauffeur driven comfort zone when coming fact to face with the voting public, or as he learnt to refer to them at Eton “OIKS!”

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Of course, it is a different story when David operates on the international scene. For example when he forces his way into the open doors of Brussels to fight for a stronger deal for Britain in Europe, he is more likely to be received as an elder(ly) statesman, amongst peers.

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*Verpiss Dich, roughly translates as “EFFF OFF!”

There are many issues to discuss at these meetings, its not all about Britain (sadly as most Brexiteers think, Britain is often ignored in Brussels apart from when it isnt) Different countries have pressing issues of their own which for some reason they think are important too.  Migration for example. Different countries tackle this crisis in different ways. Denmark for instance has instigated an entry fee, similar to amusement parks, cinemas, and some public lavatories. Asking people who have sacrificed everything to sacrifice a little more to prove their patriotism to a nation they want to get into just long enough to be able to then move on somewhere else.

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So let’s not forget what we’ve learnt from being Europeans in the past – not just sanitation, human rights and the renaissance, but culturally too, Talent contests for instance, things we have adapted and made our own.

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We may be as likely to win the Eurovision Song Contest as Elvis is to show up on a fast food stall in Bolivia selling guinea pig fritters, but Britain punches above it’s weight when it comes to the Eurorevisionist History Contest. The recent London finals ended in a dead heat between two of the capital’s most vociferous rivals.

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As far as Brexiteering closer to home goes,  a lot of people think that Scotland might have another referendum on an UKxit if the Brexit goes ahead. This has unsettled a lot of would be highland settlers but has not gone unforeseen by the Brexit Nudist Camp.  Michael Gove, rumoured to have descended from the dead – some of whom were once Scottish Scottish has the perfect solution to placate all those who might miss the kilts, bagpipes, iron brew and scotch bonnets should the Highlanders Sling their hook. Gove’s vision is to replace Scotland with another nation like Turkey, and solve the west Lothian Question forever by simply not having a place called that anymore.

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In fact the Leave Movement’s League of the Unwelcome – of which Michael is Chairwarmer – speaks a language that speaks to the silent majority who don’t like to speak themselves in modern Brexitland. With an uncanny ability to convince the public that when they see anyone speaking to voters that person must be a lizard that talks absolute rubbish, or as the twitter sphere has come to call it, #Nige-a-bollox
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What’s significant here is that we as a nation of people who complain about things all the time, like the weather for instance (hasn’t it been dreadful? Tsk, and the summer isn’t looking too clever either…) are finally talking about what it means to be British and European all at once,  with an actual tunnel that connects us to the continent like an umbilical cord! #Amazing!
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The important thing is that we can trust our “elected” leaders to make important decisions about the future of the country and give us the facts, straight up…

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So the future has never looked brighter!

(BTW Will the last Briton to leave the EU brick up the tunnel behind them?)

that’s the end of part 1, but tune in on Monday, June 6th for part two in POlitOons Serial Referendum BUGGER Special!

 

follow us or leave us a message or comment, we’d love to hear from you
cheers
Mac D
editor
http://www.politoons.com

Eurorevision results now in

With the help of Mein Camp and several other plot thickening conspi-racists the latest contradictory polls have been un-sampled and Politoons is proud to be the first to reveal that the head to head between old London Mayors has been judged a split decision everywhere (apart from The Ukraine which has held its own separate but equal contest in the autonomous region of Putinsia) eurorevision-ken and boris battle it out over hitler claims -macd

Politoons will keep you consumed with twit feeds and hash blag postings on an incontinent basis as the newsfeeds stumble in from the pub.

(can we get done for this? – ed)

 

find out more by following Politoons (except into the lavatory of course, where we require time to ourselves)

Senior Military Figures Fall Out over Front Line Services!

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check out more politoon frontline action herepoli-card-humor-am-macdsm

Cam Damns Euro Referendum Plans! and more…

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check out more POlitoons herecropped-politoons-new-logo1-940-198.jpg

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Exclusive: The world is filling up with dead people!

how the dead look to us after a while

Recent radio documentaries have revealed secret plans for there to be more dead people in the near future!

Our politoons reporter invetstigates:

More death than sex in the near future

some dead flowers recently

 
link also below:

Black Star’s Death Star Encore!

Thousands mourn because it seems like the right thing to do!

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More deaths of well known figures than normal for this time of year piles the pressure on tv’s talking heads to remember where they were when they dressed up and got drunk a bit.musicians1-macd-sm

Members of the newly formed Grief Police – a subsidiary of INterPol dedicated to questioning emotional states in online communities –  have been un-friended in their thousands over the past week as millions worry that their sole and very private but very real although largely unrecognized relationship with variously deceased public figures are not being taken seriously enough by suspected GP social media account holders.

Social Media Spikes over Dead David Likes!

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Facecrook and Twitzer have been deluged with requests from their customer/client/content producer communities to block previous friends who critique their claim to being the most important anonymous figure behind the career of recently expired pop artists and actors.zuckerberg-macd-18.5.12-web

Threatening anyone who says ‘C’mon, we’re all dying, it’s just some die faster than others, so let’s get over it’ with the kind of fate that awaits convicted animal abusers released into the wild, social mediators are patrolling websites and news feed 24/7 in an attempt to identify and name people who are not taking the recent deaths of songwriters and actors seriously.

Self Censors are the new Self Expressionists say Self Experts!

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‘In a world of social conformity, dying is the new parameter of freedom of expression,’ says Pirate.com dark net blogger Seigfried Chichnwingz. Recent studies indicate that (s)elf-censorship now accounts for the majority of actual censorship inside the internet, and this new self regulatory conformity is being applauded by government agencies struggling to find legal methods of containing non-socially mediated behaviour and freedom of expression.

Media corporations welcome the new self censoring social parameters and are preparing to take their findings to places like North Korea, where they hope to win licenses enabling them to drive new user traffic through pay per click pop ups and favoured advertising bannerisms.  ‘Places where existing censorship once meant we had no chance of making money without losing credibility internationally are now like totally up for this self moderating social media model!’ Said a social media guru putting a blue plaque on the entrance to their estate yesterday. ‘And anyone who doesn’t like it gets banned – unless they’re really famous in which case we’ll sit back and take a slice of their million-hits-a-minute pie!’

Celebrity Death to be Expanded New Study Says!

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Picking up on the theme of cherished celebrity deaths, media networks are prowling their back catalogues in the hope of finding more previously contracted artists who had drug/alcohol/or other abuse problems before they become dead. There is a new completely statistically led scheme to rehabilitate forgotten D-listers into the next generation of dead stars that people reminisce about fondly. The BBC has sent researchers into its 50 year old productions such as The Black and White Minstrel show, On the Buses, and other reactionary, racist and aging empire based cultural artifacts to find personalities long forgotten since who could be the next sensational demise to hit the online community.

Rumours persist that the BBC intends to kill off one of its most endeared Eastbenders characters ‘Peggy’ because her expected real life death hasn’t happened quickly enough to capitalize on the outpouring of grief expected when she dies. In response to news of her scheduled death, the famous character Estrogenagon from ‘WTF Godo – look at the time!’ was asked to reminisce about the Carry On actress’s  career: ‘Every character has their day – but did you really watch all of Carry On Camping, or just the bit with her catapulting bra?’

Ashes to Ashes…

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Having forgotten about the middle east, oil prices, the NHS, schools and my mother’s birthday the editors of POlitoons wish to express their mourning at the passing of Emery Papers, the unknown make up artist who accidentally tripped while working on David Bowie’s face and ended up creating a trademark multi-coloured z across his eyes that has become eternally synonymous with the man who wrote ‘Please Mr. Gravedigger’. RIP Star(m)fan

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Cameron offers parents a lesson in class!

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pm explains concern for future generations: "I hapen to think that it's perfectly reasonable for me to have a go at parents wehn I'm trying to hide something!

 

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My Day Off – episode 11 link to podcast

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72Bit of a mix up at the station so here’s the unadulterated podcast version MY DAY OFF EPISODE 11 

Howdy – and don’t forget Doodey too! it’s time for the surrealistic  noncommittal plagiarism of thought processes known as My Day Off to offend your ear defenses with the shock and awe of a fast as the speed of light or your service provider will allow.
my day off - the new radio show from MacD

Yes it’s episode 10 of the 15 minute freak show, so batten down your seat belts and clip on your hatches for the free ride of shared consciousness that will take you to 2pm GMT without batting an eyelid.

check out more info and older episodes eternally stored on the infernal web right here right now!
x macd

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Politoons Figures in Sport Series, profile 1

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Politoons Sunday Morning Coffee break

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Top Headlines for Sunday December 20th 2015:

Cameron’s Xmas Immigration Wish List!

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DJ’s fake rape court case japes!dj-gives-interview-macd-politoons

 

Another Top Tories Resigns!tory-resigns-macd-poli-sm

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Politoons The Serious Human Rights Bit 2015

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There will be a pOlitOOns year end review, don’t get me wrong, I’m still as jaded cynical and pessimistic as ever! But just before we go there, I’m passing on the word about some of the International political cartoonists who came up against it this year, brutally murdered, imprisoned, threatened, facing decades in jail or just being censored everyday. The artists who don’t necessarily make it on the front pages. Some – even most – of them you may not have heard of but if you want to find out more please visit the Cartoonists Rights website

Cartoonist Jiang Yefei ‘repatriated’ to China

NSA prism loyalty card scheme by macdunlop ©2013
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We started out the year with the Charlie Hebdo massacre,but that is neither the beginning of these things nor the end. The Chilean writer Ariel Dorfman says
“Seen from the perspective of Latin America, the assault on Charlie Hebdo is both terrifying and familiar… over the last decade a slow massacre of journalists has been soiling, haunting, infecting Latin America, an almost invisible siege against press freedom. Not as dramatic or spectacular or on the fault-lines of Islam and the West as what happened with Charlie Hebdo, but nevertheless an assault that has been incessant and dreadful and methodical.” MacD cartoon in indian ink style, ebook coming soon in 2013On a different note Arthur Matthews, one of the co writer of ‘Father Ted’ wrote in the Index of Censorship’s Issue “Charlie Hebdo: The Global View”. He talked about drawing cartoons for the New Musical Express in the early 1990’s: “The idea was to amuse the reader, not antagonize the object of the cartoon”.

POlitoons view is similar, caricature is about humour not antagonism. If anyhing political cartoong is often recyclable because the political world is a very repetitive place- we seldom learn from mistakes, and consequently most political cartoons don’t come with expiry dates.
It’s worth remembering that there is a serious side. Freedom of Expression takes a battering everywhere, freedoms and human rights are only real if humans can exercise them in the first place. hebdo9-2015-macd-smLots of things like laws snd rights look good on paper – just like cartoons for that matter!

Forms of censorship don’t just happen at the state level either. There is the undercurrent of trolling on the internet, for instance, there are many places and cultures where the law says one thing in words but not necessarily on the street. There is much un-coded reality to pick at.  In p the end tyranny loves a good silence, it sees it as a step on the road to success.

Not everything is funny, but for a satirist that in itself is a funny thing indeed!clown-gun-no-tear-sm-md

here’s a previously published poem about the Syrian cartoonist, Ali Fezat
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Ali Fezat

The wire-men broke his hands
and in the years before he drew again,
his healed bones imagined once invisible
guns and time in sections
behind the captor’s masks
discarded on the road to Damascus

Along the humming wire
justified text and censored illuminations
hid those men reflecting everyday on screens
angled light and shade contrasting the far away hours

The rolling pen moves on and smoothly traces
the sweetness of drying ink and drier tears
hardening hands to their task like tempered steel
the itch, the scratch, the page, the unbroken art

macd

and poli-card-humour-eng-macdsm
ho ho ho!

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Prince gets nod on Cabinet inside jobs!

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lift off for space race outakes remake!

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poli-card-humor-am-macdsmby the bye, buy this book!
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do get in touch info@thepoetrypoint.com
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XXX judges decide final Hex factor finalist!

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Hex Factor judge Simon Callow stood before a crowd of actors in the fly on the wall documentary of his reality television soap opera and watched them drop their wireless microphones in unison last night.  The latest person to sound like all the other persons that have the hex factor nearly cried again ( subject to contract) when famous Judge person Mr. Simon said she reminded him of someone who previously had reminded him of someone before.  The final finalist hid her eyes as she tried to think of the worst thing that had ever happened in a failed attempt to cry to camera. Failing that, she went on to wonder  who they heck he meant? And no, it wasn’t the Susan woman famous for singing old music hall favorites who combines a unique shortness of breath with a similar stature.

enjoy your politoon moment until the next time.

x factor (ed) Continue reading