Politoons #14 The “Hey, what’s the worst that could happen?” issue, July 2015

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72

Brit Opposition Un- Opposed to Opening Old Wounds Leaders Election Finds!

IMG_0359
With the leadership of the ambidextrous party now a shoe in for the party’s right hand (wo)man,  all eyes are on social media shaping policy for the first time since people were called wonks instead of geeks. The most seriously left of the leftists left over from the anti-left years when the party was last elected to run the country from the right has thrown his beard into the ring and challenged other challengers to grow one, grow up or to do something else with their faces besides talk in sound bytes.

Having realised that the last election was lost by them for the second time, the opposition has taken time to reflect on its opposition to its own internal conflict over re-presenting parts of the population that other parts providers cant reach.

Justice Meeted Out to Justice Minister Crutches Find!

mad men by macd
Meanwhile in government circles the minister for justice, truth and the American way, Mickhail Gove-a-chops has been seen recently feining injury in a care home in order to gain some much needed media traction. “thank goodness my wife can take photos and hates the NHS and everything it stands for that isn’t our government policy” stated Judge Gove before being whisked into a souffle and served as a blancmange to a table full of swill feeding anti-european private education providers.

a macd political cartoon about electionspolitoons-new-logo1-940-198-72

In sporting news

the shadow of former pharmacist turned charity cyclist Lance- the boil-Armstrong commented on the recent Tour de French Places and the recent winner, south african BRiton, Chris – piss in your face – Froome. Having first questioned the legitimacy of the spelling of Froome’s surname, Armstrong went on to announce he is coming out of retirement once again, and wants to take on the Tour winner in a mano a mano contest up the Alp D’Lu Es to see if a drug addled 40 year old can still beat the reigning “Just Say No” Champs Eh, Lee’s Eh(?) podium mounting champion.a sport themed cartoon about professional cycling using the indian ink cartoon style

Rally Death Tally Anomaly

In other mounting news,  two rally drivers went over a cliff when they mistook a turn for a lay-by in Austria.  “Driving seemed like such a fun thing to do until it went horribly wrong” said a rally organiser before coming back to deny he was anything of the sort. “We were shocked when we realised they hadn’t turned up just because they’d run out of fossil fuel.” Said a rallying expert from his dash mounted blue tooth iphone yesterday. He later commented while driving at 90 miles an hour until he hit the tailback on the M20 caused by international politicians who he believes should be shot for trying to scare people out of their cars with stories of impending climate change doom, the said driver said:”Once we get these ‘heads up’ displays sorted out, I’ll be able to talk to you, read my emails and watch my favourite U tube channel while driving in complete safety all the way to Calais!”
politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72

Bees offered Hive ownership while dying of cigarette based pesticides!a nature documentary cartoon that will be in the new ebook coming out in 2013

Wiser than the great sage of Herbalism, our weekly gardening column has commented favourably on the government’s decision to kill more bees with cigarette based pesticides than any previously elected parliament has been able to.  With more power than a Selby Cobra Jet Flying V8, the drunken lords and ladies of darkness have decided that bees should be next in line to be offered the right to buy. Previously hive tenants have had little say in ownership of their homes or the honey and wax they use as currency to pay rent. Now the government has turned table on greedy apiarists and offered hard working bee colonies the right to own their own hives and keep all the honey for themselves. In a landmark decision by the Secretary of Selling, professional honey makers will lose the rights to hives, and bees for the first time will be empowered with legal rights over their own homes. (Those who survive the use of nicorette patch based insecticides that is)

for more fun and frollicities, order your coffee table Enigma Deviations  collection of cartoons by writing to us today!

macds world of humor

and don’t forget to tune in and out for MacD’s My Day Off on London’s Resonance FM every monday and sunday nights!

(please ignore any advertising on this page)

Posted in climate, politoons, sports, UK Politics | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

My Day Off, Episode 8, 2nite! 10pm GMT+1 on London’s Resonance FM

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72Episode 8 of the darkly delirious monologue series My Day Off continues to break records for viewing figure for a Radio Program, and goes out tonight, at 10:00pm GMT +1 on

London’s Resonance FM  104.4khz

or online streamed to your ear lobe from what might be several orbits of the planet in real time.

 

clown-gun-no-tear-mdo-title

Here’s a quote from Episode 8 to whet your dry bits…

“As for me, my bit part in the tragedy of others love hit home, and I wanted her/him so bad it made me stumble and break into a thousand windy shores…”

 

 

 

 


(please ignore the adverts below…)

Posted in politoons | Leave a comment

Politoons, issue #13: WTF? oh yeah, I heard about that…

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72

Wake Up! My Day Off is screaming at you:

“There, stewing like hot plated sovereigns in dish shaped bowls of cratered earth I gathered crops of tooth paste and floss into mouthfuls of saliva and spat them out like so much discarded conversation.”

(an excerpt from episode 8 of My Day Off – episode 5 goes out this Monday at 10pm on London’s Resonance FM)
clown-gun-no-tear-mdo-title
politoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-smMeanwhile, back in reality…

The Queen’s Palace Dream is a Nightmare in Waiting:

the queens speech by macd
Don’t worry though. El Queeno – the strange annual effect of dominion over the pacified nations of the formerly wave ruling United Kingdom has influenced government weather formations enough to exponentially increase the income of the wealthiest monarch in the country (well, the only one…) Meanwhile simultaneous tax credit subtraction from people who can’t afford to pay tax is being used to feather her highness’s nest. Equality has officially become something that Old Etonians can discuss over quail eggs and caviar without fear of revolution, as they bemoan the loss of empire that had previously banished the unruly or unkemp to some far flung corner of the globe – Happy Birthday Magna Carta!

Health Self-Service Sound Byte says Minister:

Meanwhile sickness is rife in the health service, where illness is being singled out by the Minister for Health PLC. “Look” says he of the needlessly unsympathetic when confronted by advisors,  “I’ve sent you a letter saying shut up or take early retirement. You can’t have both so if you don’t like it, choose your weapons now!”

250 thousand people can’t be wrong:

Protesters in London scratched at the surface of what is wrong with Britain when they said enough was enough and waited for the Prime Minister to admit he’d got it wrong on pretty much everything. Even the Prime Minister was forced to admit he was wrong about one thing: that 5 years ago,  even he never imagined that the Conservative Party could have gotten away with it.
politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72

It’s Official – English Women ARE Better at Footie than English Men:

In football news, no one noticed that England was doing well for once, because it was the woman’s team. England’s Women made it into the quarter finals of the world cup before the men did (in fact no British men’s team has ever managed to qualify for any women’s world cu). Given that the world cup is taking place in the colonies anyway, it is expected that no one will notice unless the English Lionesses come back with a nice shiny cup, or failing that, a series of leaks about performance enhancing drug use. The media waits with baited breath and potential hash tag news feed space – largely because football is more popular than other drug sports like cycling and distance running in the battle of  between media sexists and media sexiness.

International Invasions Invasive, study finds:

newsmight-sccandal-macd-smIn other invasions this week Saudi Arabia has bombed the living spit out of its neighbour Yemen, while Syria and Iraq are still considered fair game as far as dropping anything that goes ‘boom’ goes.

And that’s about it, for this week’s important “WTF” moments of modern history. Apart from Presidents using the N word obviously, and petrol heads continuing to profit from the most over priced form of racing in human history (as Formula 1 popularity begins to sag, it is time to sell sell sell!)20120222-094019.jpg

 

Good luck with your sweet dreams, and don’t forget to tune into the “splendidly idiosyncratic” My Day Off on Radio Resonance FM 104.4 in London, or live on your wet dream webstream. Monday Nights, 22:00 hr GMT +1clown-gun-no-tear-mdo-title
cheers for now,
x macd
poli-card-humor-am-macdsm

(please ignore the advertising below)

Posted in business, news in 2015, politoons radio, Radio Politoons, satire, social commentary, sport, Syria, US Politics, world politics | Leave a comment

My Day Off enters it’s 5th week of broadcasting notoriety

clown-gun-no-tear-mdo-titlecheck it out Monday Nights at 10pm on London’s Resonance FM

or 104.1 on your capital dial.

Listen to the first episode here

 

Posted in politoons | Leave a comment

My Day Off peaks on London’s Resonance FM, Monday Nights at 10pm GMT+1

Summertime and the living is easy… especially when you’ve got the first episode of MY DAY OFF on London’s Resonance FM at 10 PM, starting this Monday night, June 1st at 10pm BST (GMT+1) Hope you can join me for 15 minutes of “monologue is the new poetry”! ;)

http://resonancefm.com/listen

Posted in mac dunlop poetry, Radio Politoons | Tagged , | Leave a comment

From Beer to Maternity – the voice recognition tissue, Politoons 2015 #12

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-sm

Cam flim flams over Brexit ‘frendum plans

let-them-eat-horse-macd-smWith the world about to implode over the outcome of the latest British election results that have been dragged out for the entire month of May, Government officials have offered people who live here no say in what happens when it comes to being part of where they came from to get here.  Confusing the electorate with ideas about what constitutes living in Britain besides living in Britain, the governing class plans to hold a referendum election quickly in the hope that it will be over before you know it.

Junker Dives in for Battle of Britain Referend-ifalling-euro-macd_web

Jea n Claude Junker – not seen in the skies over theUK since the Battle of  Britain seventy-five years ago – will be having tea with the Prime Minister to discuss their checkered history at Checkers this week. Having temporarily forgiven the PM for trying to have him thrown into prison on charges of being European at the height of British Un-Influence over European policy a few years ago, the Euro-chief has brought a packed lunch peace offering along with a flask full of bile for the two bleeders to share over a pot of uranium flavoured tea hand picked by KGB assassins, much favoured as a relaxant by the government’s patrolling elite.

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72“Gay coupling no longer a longing” say Celtic Tiger matrimony compliance officec-of-e-gay-marriage-macd-sm

Positing afresh the conundrums that Popes have kept hidden under their vestments for centuries, the world became a safer place for Guinness loving similar sex couplings this week as everyone in the land was able to express their thoughts without fear of being told to leave the country and go live somewhere else if they don’t like it. The tide of “marriage is too good for them” sentiment around the world has suffered a blow not seen since the last time a bunch of people got off their butts and said “Enough is enough, this Madness has to end!” (BTW not Madness of the “Our House/It Must be Love, Love, Love” variety, ed.)

Nostalgia Hits Pain Barrier as US/Russian relations seek counseling to avoid international breakupputin and the hobby horse

With Prezzies Putin and Obama both facing criticism from Sir John McCain of the Couldn’t be more Right Wing if we tried campaign for failed presidential contenders, International lawyers are raking it in while working on the divorce papers being filed with the International Court of Human Flight.  With more people trying to get somewhere on the planet that they’re not supposed to be than ever before in the history of human migration since the dawn of humanity, the two biggest Nuclear ARSEnalated powers in the world are in a stand off about sitting on the fence when it comes to the big picture that needs a new frame and a bigger wall to hang the bugger on. More updates to follow as no-one wants to talk about this issue too much while the proxi wars are taking place in the Middle Bleasdon desert, where everyone watches on in horror as people who make horror take over many of the oil fields eroding our beloved carbon neutral future.

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72IDS warns DLS of disquiet over anagram similaritieseradicate-poverty-macd-sm

£12 Billion Welfare Cuts will create many new slices of the same old pie says IDS from his Westminster bunker.  Sounding more Churchillian everyday, the quiet man of British Cruelty has little sympathy to spare – much less cash – for the lowly low paid and downtrodden who carpet the paving stones around number 10 Downing Street like discarded Ministerial chewing gum.  Given that IDS PLC had no idea he would still be in the post elected Cabinet, it’s no surprise that Mr. IAM Dunkin’ Smithereens (Minister with responsibility for Pain Barriers) has quickly cobbled together an unworkable policy based on his previously unworkable policies made during the previously un-voted-for government.

Paul McCartney changes his name to MACCA by dead pollmusicians1-macd-sm

For some time in the 1960’s it was rumoured that ex Cavern Club regular Sir Paul McCartney had died or been killed by a mysterious song writing bug that had bitten him in childhood. His increasingly fractious relationship with everyone around him pushed him toward carrying on as long as possible with a series of hits unparalleled in the music industry by any other left handed bass player. Now in his eighties and with several marriages behind him, the man who inspired “I buried Paul” when the white album was played backwards, and who was assumed to be a robot or an imposter for much of his career has proved that fans stick to you like glue and often come away all sticky and wet when you try to peel them off.
Selling out Wembley while reportedly still alive, Sir P set the fireworks rolling as the stadium filled with Dad Rock and the world of twitter was instantly populated with thousands of badly lit selfies.

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72Labour on Maternity Leave confused with Political Opposition in Hospital Case!labour leadership by macd

Former Scottish Labour politicians have found their road to redemption blocked by party plans to back a referendum on a united kingdom sounding as if it is closely linked to the so called Union Movement. Emergency Services were recently called to the border with Scotland to offer shelter to fleeing former Labour MP’s.  A Scottish MP labour camp has been built close to Gretna Green, former home of quick marriages of convenience and political elopement close to the unprotected border with Scotland, formerly a land that hosted a majority Labour ethnic community. Dozens of former MP’s have fled the far north of the Island in the hope of seeking refuge in southern Labour Party strongholds in the slightly less further north of the same Island.

UKIP Flip flopping fillip blip, as Farage faces Barrage of re-assignation quips.nigel-aghast1-macd

Denying that he had anything to do with himself when he resigned after the failed election campaign, UKIP’s former present leader presented his case to the media yesterday, insisting that they instead had a case to answer. Slamming his own case down on the table really hard Nigel went on to say:  “We’re leaving Europe and everything and anyone else that tries to tell you different  is nothing more than part of a stitch up conspiracy by vested interest in this country of two or three real countries that I care about passionately and want to change in many ways while turning back the clock in many others.”

check in for more outings with politoons and get the Enigma Deviations collection (£10 p+p) before we run out!
ED-front4-sm
contact us on the form below to find out more
cheers
xmacd

poli-card-humour-eng-macdsm

Posted in europe, news in 2015, politoons, UK Politics, US Politics | Leave a comment

Post Elective Stress Disorder Special! May 2015 #11

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-smHandwriting turns to Wringing as Princely Spiders Weave Regal Webshite!

Fickle Prince Charles, pontificate Royale’ of the court of Engerland faced damaging hair loss this week as judges ruled in favour of seeing what favour he tried to curry with political underlings for his Empire of Duchy biscuits and Loose Leaf tea plantations.

South African Cricketer Can’t Do It for England says Sticky Wicket Keeper!

Kelvin Piater’s son KP was mocked for scoring more runs than anyone else in the country this week.  Following the appointment of someone who wasn’t very good at being England’s Cricket captain to the post of someone who isn’t very good at being on the English Cricket Board, news was breaking today that the best batsman in the country couldn’t play for his own country or for this one neither. KP remained loyal to his autobiographical gossip but urged that the team purge itself of the issue of Trust, saying “It’s not how you win or lose mate – it’s how you win full stop!”

In art News:
Picasso That Fell off the Back of an Easel breaks Record for Algerian Femen Protest!

23-1-15-prince-a-davos-macd
A big drawing that can legally be described as a painting fell into the hands of some idiot with more money than sense this week as someone who was so embarrassed at wanting the picture that no one else thought worth having refused to be named in the auction house that made a mint out of pretending the damn thing was worth anything in the first place!

Giacometti Stick Figure Reaches Six Figures!

Meanwhile a more memorable sculpture came up for sale and because it didn’t have it’s arms or heads missing like that famous winged angel in the Louvre, or all those thousands of Greek sculptures that are ‘priceless’ even though the hands and genitals have been chiseled off. Money isn’t everything though is it? I’ve got a light bulb here I’ve been turning on and off for years, but no one’s offering me a Turner prize for it are they?

Doctors told to cut back on curing people unnecessarily!

?

Savings in Government Departments have already begun with news that doctors’ shouldn’t try to cure people unnecessarily. “A strong National Health Service needs a strong economy, and until we have one you can’t have both!” David Cameron said as he queued in the limos outside number ten waiting to drop off the hard working families that didn’t get elected.

Unions told Unanimity needed if they must not do as they’re told!politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72

Strikers who wish to take industrial action will have to all agree with everyone else first in a move that may revolutionise voting after no one seems happy with the results so far.

Barbershop opens in London’s Millionaire district as Non-Dom home owner struggles with bedroom (blue) Plaque.


A Swiss woman who is so rich she wants to knock her house down so she can live in London, has told her neighbours to get a haircut as she decorates her London home in traditional salon livery.

Liberals Lost Trust as well as seats says poll Party doesn’t believe!

Nick Clegg woke to the news that everyone was no longer there on the morning after the election as he attempted to justify 5 years of trying to be nice to people he didn’t agree with in the first place. “The coalition was a great success!” Clegg insisted, although it has gone the way of the Dodo. Meanwhile his colleagues reflected on their defeat by standing on the a stairway down to the underground, saying now they know what it’s like to have ideas above their station.

Counter Terror Bill formed to stop Over the Counter Sales of Narratives says Extreme Sports Bookseller!

hebdo8-macd-2015-sm
Counter narratives will be introduced by the incoming government once they decide which election pledge to reneg on first. “We want to stop people thinking dangerous thoughts before they happen.” Said Olivia Leftwind, the cross dressing behind the scenes cut out character from Tory days of old. Introducing snooping and police brutality on a scale not seen since the Irish Troubles, the new government intends to drive a horse and shit-shovel through the gates of Human Rights at the first kettling opportunity.

Mass protest in Cabinet as blue collar blue suit sit-in continues after MP’s stand for election too long!

obsession-man-29-01-12macd
Cabinet Members were out in force today as they sat down together for long enough to look too busy to just sit there not doing anything. Having formed the first photo op for the newly formed government, they were dismissed to go forth and prosper for a second term, seeking cuts where others only saw scraping by, and savings where others only saw food banks.

Prince Harry Wary of Getting Married bored reporters find!

Meanwhile to stop everyone thinking the government had it all it’s own way in the media, one or two newspapers decided to pick on the one red headed royal who hasn’t got himself shackled to a aristocrat-ress of some sort. Speculating that one of the richest playboys in the country must be pining, gagging for it, lonely as a widow and such like, the media has decided it won’t leave him alone until he finds something useful to do with himself and his redundant genetic hardware.

 

poli-card-humour-eng-macdsmalways

 

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72

Posted in news in 2015, politoons, social commentary, UK Politics | Leave a comment

I awoke as if from a drea… WTF!

to-be-honest-PM-macdOne Nation Gory Tory Story Glory!

Like Rumplestiltskin I awoke from a dream into a nightmare! What calamity is this! What has befallen this once great nation? Who is that smug posh git standing on the wreckage of society? Oh, it’s him, the same jammy dodger who schmoozed his way into number 10 five years ago the way a shark schmoozes it’s way into a paddling pool.

Ian Duncan Smith – the quietest sadist since Colonel Gaddafi left the world with a reminder up his … – is now entrusted with amputating the caring society from the Raft of Medusa before throwing it’s withered stump into the above mentioned kiddie’s pool. (not a prospect that anyone who’s ever been a Lifeguard or had to clean out a public baths would want to contemplate).
how the welfare secretary sleeps at night by macd
While the 3 or 4 divided nations settled into a night of predictable outcomes, they woke to see their tattered ensign shimmying down the greasy pole, scuttling toward the nearest tailors, and flogging the ragged remains of the family silver down the river. A murky Thames, clogged with silt from years of paddling it’s slave ship treasures to the outsourced kingdom on Nondomica.

Meanwhile somewhere in France:

Le Pen mightier than Le Merde as Father causes shit storm for FN’ing daughter!

hebdo3-macd-2015-sm

threat-level1-macd-sm

poli-card-humour-eng-macdsmalways

 

Posted in politoons | Leave a comment

My Day Off, a new series of 15 minute audiations

My Day Off is a series of 15 minute humorous monologues by Mac Dunlop
episode 1
clown-gun-no-tear-sm-md

I always find it difficult to describe what a monologue is to be or not to be. My last series Unspoken Words had a simple soundbyte, it was “about a single word, and what a single word could inspire”, a series of humourous monologues that were held together by a single tenuous thread, a different single word each week. UW ran for forty 15 minute episodes on Cornwall’s The Source FM, and London’s Resonance FM between 2010 and 2012.
IMG_2365
Now, having lost you in terms of my ‘elevator pitch’ time frame, I want to introduce you to what My Day Off is not:

1) it is not another Unspoken Word series.

2) it is not linear narrative (it accommodates the capacity of a single voice to trample all over sense and sensibility).

3) it is not real, it is a rapid fire approach to containing what happens next within a 15 minute linear time frame.

4) it is not unfunny.

5) I refer my honourable member to the answer I gave moments ago*.

*p.s. no search engines were harmed in the writing of this Press Release

check out the MY Day Off vibe right here, right now!

and
poli-card-humour-eng-macdsm

Posted in politoons, politoons radio, Radio Politoons, satire, why did the chicken cross the road? | Leave a comment

Someone’s hidden the eggs again!

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-sm

easter-message1macd-sm

Easter negotiations ongoing at Calvary

 politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72

Tune in for more soon, in the meantime why not

Join in the latest cartoon caption contest here

And remember, the world of humour need you! 

(follow pOlitOOns, share, like, comment or do any other number of thing you don’t really have time for)


Posted in mac dunlop cartoons, politoons | Leave a comment

Delectable debatables 

Trending politicians blend hashtag quips with bits of debatable sound byte blips!

 

 


politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72

Tune in for more soon, in the meantime why not

Join in the latest cartoon caption contest here

And remember, the world of humour need you! 

(Please follow pOlitOOns, share, like, comment or do any other thing you don’t really have time for)


Posted in news in 2015, UK Politics | Leave a comment

POlitOOns April Issue 2015, #10

Anti-Gay Gay Laws Gunned down by Rifle Association Lobby in Foyer of Religious Senior Living Homes!

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72
Discriminati20120612-113216.jpgon has recriminations for retro-fitted equality legislation as worrying signs of idiocy resurface in American Culture yet again. Without thinking it through, some knee jerk states have asserted their fifth column amendment rights to freedom of stupidity and disqualified themselves from being nice to others on religious grounds. Outside one church built to withstand the second coming, a well armed pastor rebuked suggestions that they were racist homophobes with nothing better to do than complain that everyone else is not an exact clone of their mother.

Loneliness seen as next social status to receive government research funding says study into the best things to say if you want to make any applications for funding!

there-are-many-md
New studies indicate that instant communication has replaced less instant communication that can take days. While people want to show how appreciative they are of others who spend ridiculous amounts of time on meaningless status updates, they do not want to have to wait around impatiently for long periods, waiting for what they’ve just posted to come up on their screens. “Ideally, the insignificant thing you want to say should arrive in your in box before you send it.” says an expert who spends a lot of time online and is only available through Skype.

Teachers take on jobs as part time politicians in parliamentary education shake up!

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72
Secretary for Everything-that-is-wrong-with-this-country, Cleric Pickles, has told dog walkers that they could soon be fined for using unregistered leads and dog collars as the government promises to get tough on pets and tough on the causes of pets.

We can’t possibly say what we’re planning because we have no planning permission! says Tory Election Strategist

the family way cartoon by macd
Bill Rights, the government salaried whimsicalist says “There is nothing like presenting your policies in the clearest possible manner, but we as a government need to sort out some copyright issues before publishing our ideas for the future now. Besides… Bill went on to say “…the less we say, the better we do!”

Plane Chem Trails Pale in Plain Sight Oversight!

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72
An airplane carrying the hopes and dreams of a generation has been lost in the fog of anti European sentiment say airport officials who cannot get work permits to fly beyond the end of the landing strips of major transport hubs. With the wheels coming off the undercarriage of polluting the planet using gas guzzling jet engines at high altitude, airport duty free tax inspectors have decided to impose new queues and confusion on their paying customers during the busiest times in the air industry calendar.boom-boom-14-12-14macd-sm

Famous People Dying Unnecessarily say Obituary experts!

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-sm
“More than average famous people are dying every week, and government statistics are powerless to stop it!” Said someone in a tweet sent around the world becuase the writer felt bored. Other commentators expanded on the subject saying that “If even mostly famous people can’t live forever, then what chance have the rest of us got?” Later editions of the hashtag controversy included the thoughts of anonymous users who can easily be tracked by government agencies, or even private corporations that are willing to spend some of their fat cat billions on watching insignificant others express themselves through the pooh storm of interwebbery that passes for human intimacy these days.businessman-with-golf-macds

England nearly Play Football after Cricket disaster and Murray Fury at Golf’s Masters creates blurry word slurry over Italian Job’s sorry match tie story

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72
Having equalled the worst in the world one way or another, English sport fans hailed the Galaxy of American L.A. as they honoured a middling midfield Englishman with a 16. 5 million dollar house in the rising sun – if not their starting 11. Rumours that David Gerrard and Steven Beckham will be seen together in California while over the age of forty have been circulating in the United States of Anti Gay laws for weeks, as the ex-pat Little Englanders happily avoid tax in the only way their accountants know how.beckham-retires-macd-500sm

Tune in for more soon, in the meantime why not

Join in the latest cartoon caption contest here

And remember, the world of humour need you! 

(Please follow pOlitOOns, share, like, comment or do any other thing you don’t really have time for)


Posted in economy, education, news in 2015, politoons, satire, social commentary, sport, US Politics | Leave a comment

POlitOOns March 2015 Issue #9

LATEST BREAKING NEWS AND VIEWS! politoons-new-logo1-940-198.jpg

End of the world offers huge opportunity for growth says stock market analyst!

George’s Budget Hairline’s creates treats for non-dom tax cheats!

osborne and cameron discuss time being money, macd2013

UK-UK! Specialist Headline Brain Fade Blanks:

UKIP leaders plane wreck cast aside as NHS jibe lands broadside on Nigel’s failed state in afterlife!

elections in modern times by macd

Nigel concedes race rift as Poll slip concerns party whips!

UKIP EU expenses expatriated in restaurant receipt slated to Brussels!

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-sm
Dolce and Gabbana drama unfolds as Elton told to fight for ‘family’ life!

Victoria in Peckham stood up to the bean counters at fashionista firmware makers D and G today.  Holding a candle in the wind for the Lion King Rocket Man pianissimo, Ms. Becks took issue with the anti-guy agenda of the post style alphabetic logo manufacturers.  “Family is what it’s all about, and everyone should have one, or two even if they need to use the spare bedroom because of poverty -which my husband and I abhor by the way, unless of course it comes in a little black number with Jimmie Wong stillettos…”

US calls IS Real threat to World Greece!bad-bomber1-macd_web

Foreign Ministers met outside the new European Bank building today dressed in Clown costumes to evade protesting citizens who are demanding their money back. Having bailed out the banks, the E-Union does not want to bail any thing else if it can help it, even if it means dissolution and running the continent in coalition with Scottish National Party goers.
Police cars continued to inflame the issue overnight as people masquerading as different other people confronted uniformed charade-ists intent on miming their way out of recession at all costs.

Jeremy very nearly fears he’s lost Top Gear!

IMG_2232-0
Having gone from style icon to national treasure of the unwashed and sole British export that says rude things about foreign cars, Jeremy-Clark-Bosun was traced to the Large Haydron Service Provider in Switzerland where he battled it out with other theoretical particles in a magnetized tunnel that replicates bumper cars for protons. Having smashed the record for smashing things, Jeremy’s car crash of a career continues to careen onto screens around the speed addicted world, where millions have been lost in the cancellation of two episodes of the Three Turds on Wheels show that critics say has existed long past it’s half-lifetime.

Twitter to market all the stupid things you tell people in the hope of seeming interesting.

NSA prism loyalty card scheme by macdunlop ©2013
In order to create profit out of ordinariness Big Daddy data is capitalizing on the unexpected compel-ment users have to tell everyone about their instant life.  Twit exec’s tweet to their followers that there is no such thing as a secret as far as they’re concerned, and they should now squeeze as much money as they can from you telling everyone about what your last fart smelt like, or wasting your existence away hashtagging pictures of cats licking themselves in domestic situations.

Large Haydron Service Provider picks Net Flix for grey matter’s Auntie-matter matrix!

magnifying-man 17-11-14-back

Cam’s Flim Flam over Debate Plans leaves Opposition in No-Man’s Land!

poor-suffering-macd-500sm

Chinese Bankers thank British “W”_anker’s typo no-no for Promoting Asia Bank’s Financial Loop Hole!

©m.dunlop2011
politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72

Tune in for more soon, in the meantime why not

Join in the latest cartoon caption contest here

And remember, the world of humour need you! 

(Please follow pOlitOOns, share, like, comment or do any other thing you don’t really have time for)


Posted in comedy, news in 2015, politoons, US Politics, world politics | Leave a comment

Some headlines to occupy yourself – if not somewhere else – this week

Solar impulse embarks on world tour with excess human baggage!



(um… don’t worry, I don’t think anyone will notice, ed)



politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72

Hilary pilloried over  impersonal email irresponsibility!



“I did not have sex with that man, Jeremy Clark-Paxman!”



Universal Debt tops Universal Credit for first time as Government contols bite!

(at least it’s still universal…)



Stationer’s Stock Paper Trail leads straight to SamCam’s Toilet Roll Honours List!



The leader of the opposition spends some quality time with family



Teenage Travel hits Legal Wrangle as Syria Wangles anti terrorist angle!



We got to Syria only to find our luggage had ended up in Sydney!

“My sis joined ISIS!” is the jist of missed girl’s wish list! Insist Police Force Apologists!



 Apple Apostles Apoplectic as CIA unpeels MacBook’s least secreted  sacred secrets!

(No logos were harmed in the making of this headline, ed.)

Tune in for more soon, in the meantime why not

Join in the latest cartoon caption contest here 

And remember, the world of humour need you! 

(Please follow pOlitOOns, share, like, comment or do any other thing you don’t really have time for)


Posted in news in 2015, politoons | Leave a comment

POlitOOns March 2015, issue #8

This week’s World News:

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72
Harrison Furd’s Near Miss!hebdo3-macd-2015-sm

ISIS is in CRISIS!

National News:

The Empty Chair Debate!

The National Illness Service!

Regular Politoon Services:

The Cartoon Caption Contest!

The Free Things that Everyone looks for in an e-magazine!

Have your hearsay here! (at the bottom of this supplement)

World News

Star Wars Pilot Crash not Career Ending!

Agents for doctors auditioning to treat Harrison Fjord say that the flight of nostalgia the actor flew onto a crazy golf course could not have been prevented. A caddy for the heart throb pensioner said the plane was as old as the actor so it was no surprise that it had it’s ‘moments’ from time to time.

An aviation expert explained: ‘what goes up must come down… and that is especially true of airplanes.’

Meanwhile aging director George ‘I-am-your-father’ Lucas said that when the 70 year old acting pilot comes to the end of his career, he will be digitize d for future episodes. The film’s producers suggest the whole golf course/plane crash incident may well have saved lives who could in turn could become future audiences. The director lauded the actor even as he was being wheeled away from the nineteenth green in a hospital trolley, “Didn’t even need a second take! What more can you ask for in an actor?”.

There is already talk of an Oscar nomination in the 2016 Charlie Sheen Career Crash category. The new Star Wars Branding exercise is expected to be coming soon to a galaxy far away near you…

CR-ISIS over whether ISIS is IS or IS IS?

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72

Militant Issisians have surrounded ancient burial grounds and started bulldozing artifacts from before they were born in an attempt to rewrite geography in their own image.  Meanwhile, the ISIS existential CRISIS continues as different parts of the world refer to different anagrams when referring to them. This has led to a re-registering of websites and media outlets in expectation that one or the other name changes will become official, leading to an enormous number of hash-tags having to be re-spelt.

PMT’s Absence causes Argument over Debate!

The empty chair of the Prime Minister came under fire in Britain this week as the unelected leader of the un-elected British government un-seated himself from Westminster Debating club circles. The Leading Opposing Leader was so enraged that he threatened to make non-debating illegal if elected, arguing that not arguing was not what the people want their unelected un-representatives to be doing or undoing before they are next not elected.

Cameron accuses Labour SNP link of being un BNP-ish

british pm swats at questions about life the universe and everything before going off on his hol's
The prime minister hit back at being called a ‘chicken’ by his critics.  Waving white feathers in the air and sticking his tongue out while blowing through his pursed lips, the leader of  England accused his opposite number of not adding up when it came to chatting with other people who might get elected too.  Saying that Scottish people who want independence from England shouldn’ be allowed to have a say in running the country, the Conservative Leader begged his unknown deputy Nick (peg) Legg to stand up and be counted by sitting in the empty deck chairs on the Titanic being provided by the BBC, Sky and ITV.  The media companies hope to make a meal of anything that doesn’t have to do with policies if politicians are elected as expected. This may interfere with viewer ratings when compared with football, “BeerWulf Hall”, and “Call the Midwife because-we-don’t-make-housecalls” style documentaries.

Ill people told they will walk again if they start walking in the first place!

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-sm
NHS backroom staff have suggested a new miracle cure to prevent death, illness and unfitness for work.  Based on the “it’s your fault in the first place” diagnostic method being championed in government covens, people across the country are advised to exercise their right to exercise as a way of bringing down the cost of the National Health Service that they pay for – although this is not intended to make it any cheaper, except for private contractors interested in taking part in National Illness. Studies show that if people exercise for 30 minutes five times a week, they are more likely to have less time to notice things getting worse.  Statistics show that people who exercise more than enough are also more likely to consider that ill people only have themselves to blame anyway.

“Half an hour isn’t much when you’re not doing anything anyway!” Health Sinister Jeremiah Hunt said to someone who couldn’t get up because they had made themselves so unwell. Doctors who want to make more money from working for the state have chided the ill for not trying hard enough, saying “It is simply no longer good enough to make a contribution through buying vast amounts of cigarettes, or alcohol, and paying exorbitant tax on it!” The same doctor paused before looking up from his stethoscope and added “People have got this idea that the money they put into the NHS pays for the service at their point of need, but being sick, ill or disabled is not necessarily the NHS’s fault, nor it’s intention!”lady-twerk-macd-tango-sm

Other doctors disagree, but most NIS whistle-blowers have been silenced in the government coven’s recent pre-election witchHunts. Whistle-blowers have been shown by government media supporters as damaging to the image of the One Nation One Health Service System and have been silenced at taxpayers expense. Health Mini-mister Foxtrot Tango Hunt says “Their actions could affect the price we get for privatizing bits and pieces as we go along, and that would be bad for the economic upturn on which the well-being of everyone who has an offshore account, is not domicile in this country or banks with HSBC depends!” 

Join in the latest cartoon caption contest here 

And remember, the world of humour need you! 

(Please follow pOlitOOns, share, like, comment or do any other thing you don’t really have time for)

Posted in caption competitions, news in 2015, politoons, satire, social commentary, UK Politics, world politics | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Oscar News Flash Causes Political Flack Attack!

Oscars Blighted by Whites Only Trophy Rights Fight!politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72

Boycotting the Oscars was this years must not do event of the year as red carpets were worn bare by fashion hogging day care celebs.  not-a-red-macd-9-3-13-smTreating itself as an institution that needs institutionalizing, the Oscars represents the best laundry powder since colour was invented. Making sure that all trophies were in the pink this year, the crowning glory of all things hype-ish got more advertising space than ever before for the new monied aristocracy of camera loving face paint and anti-aging cream. British winners fawned in unexpected ways that endeared them to their merry-can hosts, ensuring once again that fairy dust and silverware will continue to weigh heavily on British mantlepieces even when sporty ones do not.

Opposition Opposes Opposite of Posited Proposition!politoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-sm

“It’s easy to ridicule things if you don’t take them seriously” said an inside insider.ed-mil-imnoinnit-macd_sqsm

“Ed Millibland for example. Katie Price is another, and what about what that Steven Hawkwind bloke said when he won the Oscars? “Weeah-snort-squidge umphapumph oooh errr!” Very emotional, but get a bleedin’ grip, I say! What is the world coming to when acceptance speeches are reduced to nothing more than sniveling drivel…oh…I see… no change there then!

 

follow Politoons for more updates than you can shake carrot and stick at!

Posted in news in 2015, politoons | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Enter the Latest Politoons Caption Contest!

on the phone by macdpolitoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72The 8th Politoon Caption Contest is now open!

So, what’s your Line?

?

?

click here for more info on the Caption contests, and to see our previous winners!
Tune in for more February Supplements over the coming days, so follow, feed, and generally spread the jam … I mean word!

 

The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

ED-front4-sm

poli-card-humor-am-macdsm

Posted in caption competitions, cartoon captions, politoons | Leave a comment

Politoons 2015, issue #7 the brain drainz…

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72Science on verge of Unifying Conspiracy Theory of Everything!

Steven Hawkwind, scientific explorer and author of several space travel guides has suggested that once we invent something smarter than us, everything we suspect might be true WILL BE!
Having taken the Oscar world by storm because they found an actor who looked remarkably like him, Dr. Hawkwind has moved astrologers to tears with his emotional call for people to come together over a pint in the local pub and muse upon what a parallel existence where there are no pubs might look like.8-12-14-breast-feed-md-sm

HSCB Doubts Savings in Swiss Accounts of Tax Evasions!

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72
The plot thinned this week, as bankers at the height of British government took bonus culture to a new level for their high risk customers.  Having dodged bullets for money laundering in the United States of Deregulation, the money-at-all-costs Financial Whizz kids have fizzed their last.  The numbers game is up for tax havened Chair Sir Baron Lord might as well give him the lot Green, a Labour luvvie turned Tory turncoat whose blanket media coverage has smothered any talk of why he got where he was when everyone knew he’d done what he did.

Turning people into corporations in order to evade European Savings Time, the old watchmakers at the discredited too-big-to-bail bank went cuckoo at the clock as it wound down on their tax evasive racket.

an indian ink style cartoon by macd with a business theme

Now the left and the right of European Monopoly Politics are faced with red blushed cheeks as they try to blame each other for getting into bed with bankers while their civil partners thought they were just working late at the office again.

“Sorry dear, must save the world you know – don’t bother waiting up, there’s a good luv!”

Youth to be Driven into Exile if found in their Bedrooms after the Next Election

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-sm
Promising to hit the lackadaisical hard, the Leader of England pronounced the Youth word for the first time since the Riots of 2011. Having hugged hoodies honestly in historical hordes, the PMQ of Hospital Bethannia is now concerned that he has caught something rather serious – like the public mood or something.  Driving the economy forward by putting wages and living standards in reverse, the new rules on being young are intended to push people toward middle age faster than previously expected.

14-1-15-student-loan-sm

Ukraine Brain Drain is Rocket Propelled Grenade say psycho-experts!

In a bid to get their tweets higher rankings and filed in the Library of Congress, neo-liberal minded mind scientists who think about thinking in the future suggest that one day everyone will be an expert in something.  “Pontificating in short messages is causing a profundity crisis in everyone’s mind” say current experts who are currently estimated to  be between 5 to 10 percent of the wider population. This figure is likely to expand as access to predictive text and spell checks advance the world economy into the Literary Age, as more and more smart objects become literate themselves. The world has already seen the first robot tweets – the Chinese Moon Lander that crashed last year while updating it’s FaceBook status is just one of many examples.  Robot thespians have also performed the work of Mary Shelley’s “I Frankenstein” to a theatre full of ipads, the artificial performance was then re-broadcast un-live to smart phones around the world.machine-loyalty-macd-sm

“But what’s that got to do with the crisis in the Ukraine?” Texted our Politoon reporter to a computer busy positioning satellites around the planet. “NO Likee, No Buyee!” replied the super mainframe as it quietly orbited past the Russian space station.

that’s it for this week
apart from…

the 8th Politoon Caption Contest is now open!

What’s your Line?

?

?

click here for more info on the Caption contests, and to see our previous winners!
Tune in for more February Supplements over the coming days, so follow, feed, and generally spread the jam … I mean word!

 

The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

ED-front4-sm

poli-card-humor-am-macdsm

Posted in caption competitions, news in 2015, politoons, social commentary, UK Politics, world business, world politics | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Politoons 2015, issue # 6

E-Votes to follow E-Fags route!

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72ed-digs-hole-macd-sm
Come election time, voters will dribble out in their tens or so complaining about the weather and how much easier it would be to stay at home and do this sort of thing online, like mostly everything else in their lives.  Government officials agree, suggesting that interwoven pleb providers should slash costs for people who must use electricity to fill out confusing ballot forms.  Energy providers say they are willing to help people vote, offering discounts to those who use their services if they vote as recommended by energy advisers and use the new fossil fuel loyalty card scheme.  Offering air miles, coal fired warmth, and nuclear powered hot water facilities, the big 6 providers are encouraging people to ‘vote for their lives’ in return for fixed rate discounts on their locked-in price rising tariffs.

wind turbines satire by macd

TV Reviews because there is not enough News!

Big Bother!
Kim Khazakstan has emerged from the Big Brother bubble to show off her new range of close fitting soap dishes. (‘more bath wear than formal wear’ says our fashion editor) Meanwhile stupor model Katie Half Price has also enter the house and attendant fray, saying things that embarrass her former partner, their children and anyone with a modicum of intelligence (although the later are not know to have admitted to watching the new series).

Woulf Mall!d-cam-fop-macd_sm28-6-12
The historic re-enactment of a load of stuff that happened 500 years ago in a medieval shopping centre near Croydon is based on a the fictionalisation of a true story about dying town centres in Tudor England. The ongoing series now in it’s first one is all made up in the best tradition of British costume dramas, and has received rave reviews for being over-intentionally dull.  With no artificial light used to illuminate the Mall where the wolves live, Hillary Mantelpiece – scribe to the nation, and patented originator of the idea of historic fiction – has complained herself that the film locations are too dark to write in, and without historically accurate wi-fi, she has thus far been unable to make up the next installment of the series.  Hearing of Mantlepiece’s plight, the Queen (currently being played by Helen Mirren) has kindly offered Mantelpiece free entry to all National Trust properties, asking only that a part for her be written into the show should it be retained for a second series.

In other Loyal Royal news:

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72
Prince Charles, married twice and would be king who writes to people all the time in an attempt to influence their decisions, has raised a pair of bushy eyebrows at the thought of mounting the throne.  “Oooh Errr!” said the prince privately to his present wife (a gift bride from Dubai, with the honorary title of a Ferry in Cornwall). Once it was explained to the prince that there would be no mounting or Game of Thrones while his mother was still propped up on it, Charlie visibly relaxed before returning to his Cornish Feifdom, where a huge development that will make him richer than he ever needs to be is taking up most of his waiting time while Mater continues to tick off her  bucket list. (even Royals have to queue sometimes, it seems! ed.)a MacD pencil sketch

 

7th Politoon Caption Contest Winner!

This month’s questionable non-profit prize goes to  Mr. C Insoll, local lad done good by all accounts (if you mean Swiss bank accounts managed by HSBC!) Oh yes, more of them this week!

Bartender: What are you drinking?
Customer: I’ll have another…………”
Bartender: What’s with the paws?

?

Bartender: What are you drinking?
Customer: I’ll have another…………”
Bartender: What’s with the paws?

Tune in for more February Supplements over the coming days, so follow, feed, and generally spread the jam … I mean word!

 

The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

ED-front4-sm

poli-card-humor-am-macdsm

Posted in book, caption competitions, news in 2015, politoons, satire, UK Politics | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Poli-flash news ending week of February 6th 2015

America and Russians agree with Chinese on Syrian Conflictees!

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72
After many meetings negotiating how to get out of doing what they said they were going to do, John Hairy, secretary of state for stuff that America doesn’t care about announced that US authorities may be willing to see President Assad remain in power after all. White House insiders said that the American President, having spent the last 3 years suggesting the Syrian regime needed changing, and leaving thousands of rebels in the lurch after years of not supporting them was now backing away from the red line his administration had drawn over the affair. Oblama has recently sent his emmisaries to Moscow to negotiate a done deal with the Russian emirates, who always said US plans for the region were dumb-ass or ‘kaputnitski’ from the get go.20131123-102012.jpg

“At least someone has a plan now!” said a relieved American ambassador to Luxemburg who has no intention of leaving his kushti little number for the ISIS-IAN hot bed of a thousand and one Arabian Fights.
Libya meanwhile has erected a statue of Tony Blair shaking hands with Colonel Gadfly (ex) in a Tripoli theme park. Tripoli’s troubled mayor hopes to encourage tourism into the capital, and this week opened a “Migration Museum” with hands on displays, and Migration Imitation workshops aimed at nut-case survivalist tourism organizations interested in finding out how hard it is to get across the Mediterranean in a leaky boat, let alone into fortress Europe. Middle Age envoy Blair is expected to officially unveil the sculpture once he has eluded calls for him to answer perjury charges relating to what many British Militants fondly remember as ‘Tony’s War’.

goldfish-bowl-macd-sm

Flight MH 370 has accidentally disappeared officially!

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72
Confirming that no one is going to explain what really happened, especially to those that think the plane was shot down mid air, Malaysian investigators intend sweeping everything under the carpet on the sea floor, and handing out compensation dosh in the hope that everyone is so exhausted by the ordeal, they won’t notice that Diego Garcian officialers have quietly spread the hush money around, waiting for everyone to give up on the whole thing.

Nasty people in Nasty places more likely to vote for Nasty parties!

supersize-me-macd-sm
The Nasty party of Groot Brittania today announced it’s pre-election findings carried out by a made up group of nameless pen pushers. In response to the idea that over 6 million people were exterminated seventy years ago by a group with a similar name, the Nasties have hired half of Saatchi and Saatchi ( now known as ‘Saatchi And…’) to reinvent the wheel and themselves in time for the non-Euro British elections. The Nasties new election slogan also doubles as their election pledge, when in power the Nasties promise to: “Keep Calm, and stay Nasty!”

 

More February Supplements over the coming days, so tune in, follow, feed, and generally spread the jam … I mean word!

Meanwhile, here’s the regular features:

the 7th Politoon Caption Contest (closing at the end of this week!)

?

?

The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

ED-front4-sm

poli-card-humor-am-macdsm

Posted in news in 2015, politoons, social commentary, UK Politics, US Politics, world politics | Tagged , , | Leave a comment