My Day Off, a new series of 15 minute audiations

My Day Off is a series of 15 minute monologues by Mac Dunlop
– if you have no patience, don’t bother reading on, just click this: episode 1
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I always find it difficult to describe what a monologue is to be or not to be. My last series Unspoken Words had a simple soundbyte, it was “about a single word, and what a single word could inspire”, a series of humourous monologues that were held by a single tenuous thread, a different single word each week. UW ran for thirty 15 minute episodes on London’s Resonance FM between 2011 and 2012.
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Now, having lost you in terms of my ‘elevator pitch’ time frame, I want to introduce you to what My Day Off is not:

1) it is not another Unspoken Word series.

2) it is not linear narrative, it accommodates the capacity of a single voice to trample all over sense and sensibility.

3) it is not real, it is not anything other than a rapid fire approach to containing what happens next within a 15 minute linear time frame.

4) it is not unfunny.

5) I refer my honourable member to the answer I gave moments ago*.

*p.s. no search engines were harmed in the writing of this Press Release

check out the MY Day Off vibe right here, right now!

and
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Posted in politoons, politoons radio, Radio Politoons, satire, why did the chicken cross the road? | Leave a comment

Someone’s hidden the eggs again!

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Easter negotiations ongoing at Calvary

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Tune in for more soon, in the meantime why not

Join in the latest cartoon caption contest here

And remember, the world of humour need you! 

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Delectable debatables 

Trending politicians blend hashtag quips with bits of debatable sound byte blips!

 

 


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Tune in for more soon, in the meantime why not

Join in the latest cartoon caption contest here

And remember, the world of humour need you! 

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POlitOOns April Issue 2015, #10

Anti-Gay Gay Laws Gunned down by Rifle Association Lobby in Foyer of Religious Senior Living Homes!

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Discriminati20120612-113216.jpgon has recriminations for retro-fitted equality legislation as worrying signs of idiocy resurface in American Culture yet again. Without thinking it through, some knee jerk states have asserted their fifth column amendment rights to freedom of stupidity and disqualified themselves from being nice to others on religious grounds. Outside one church built to withstand the second coming, a well armed pastor rebuked suggestions that they were racist homophobes with nothing better to do than complain that everyone else is not an exact clone of their mother.

Loneliness seen as next social status to receive government research funding says study into the best things to say if you want to make any applications for funding!

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New studies indicate that instant communication has replaced less instant communication that can take days. While people want to show how appreciative they are of others who spend ridiculous amounts of time on meaningless status updates, they do not want to have to wait around impatiently for long periods, waiting for what they’ve just posted to come up on their screens. “Ideally, the insignificant thing you want to say should arrive in your in box before you send it.” says an expert who spends a lot of time online and is only available through Skype.

Teachers take on jobs as part time politicians in parliamentary education shake up!

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Secretary for Everything-that-is-wrong-with-this-country, Cleric Pickles, has told dog walkers that they could soon be fined for using unregistered leads and dog collars as the government promises to get tough on pets and tough on the causes of pets.

We can’t possibly say what we’re planning because we have no planning permission! says Tory Election Strategist

the family way cartoon by macd
Bill Rights, the government salaried whimsicalist says “There is nothing like presenting your policies in the clearest possible manner, but we as a government need to sort out some copyright issues before publishing our ideas for the future now. Besides… Bill went on to say “…the less we say, the better we do!”

Plane Chem Trails Pale in Plain Sight Oversight!

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An airplane carrying the hopes and dreams of a generation has been lost in the fog of anti European sentiment say airport officials who cannot get work permits to fly beyond the end of the landing strips of major transport hubs. With the wheels coming off the undercarriage of polluting the planet using gas guzzling jet engines at high altitude, airport duty free tax inspectors have decided to impose new queues and confusion on their paying customers during the busiest times in the air industry calendar.boom-boom-14-12-14macd-sm

Famous People Dying Unnecessarily say Obituary experts!

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“More than average famous people are dying every week, and government statistics are powerless to stop it!” Said someone in a tweet sent around the world becuase the writer felt bored. Other commentators expanded on the subject saying that “If even mostly famous people can’t live forever, then what chance have the rest of us got?” Later editions of the hashtag controversy included the thoughts of anonymous users who can easily be tracked by government agencies, or even private corporations that are willing to spend some of their fat cat billions on watching insignificant others express themselves through the pooh storm of interwebbery that passes for human intimacy these days.businessman-with-golf-macds

England nearly Play Football after Cricket disaster and Murray Fury at Golf’s Masters creates blurry word slurry over Italian Job’s sorry match tie story

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Having equalled the worst in the world one way or another, English sport fans hailed the Galaxy of American L.A. as they honoured a middling midfield Englishman with a 16. 5 million dollar house in the rising sun – if not their starting 11. Rumours that David Gerrard and Steven Beckham will be seen together in California while over the age of forty have been circulating in the United States of Anti Gay laws for weeks, as the ex-pat Little Englanders happily avoid tax in the only way their accountants know how.beckham-retires-macd-500sm

Tune in for more soon, in the meantime why not

Join in the latest cartoon caption contest here

And remember, the world of humour need you! 

(Please follow pOlitOOns, share, like, comment or do any other thing you don’t really have time for)


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POlitOOns March 2015 Issue #9

LATEST BREAKING NEWS AND VIEWS! politoons-new-logo1-940-198.jpg

End of the world offers huge opportunity for growth says stock market analyst!

George’s Budget Hairline’s creates treats for non-dom tax cheats!

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UK-UK! Specialist Headline Brain Fade Blanks:

UKIP leaders plane wreck cast aside as NHS jibe lands broadside on Nigel’s failed state in afterlife!

elections in modern times by macd

Nigel concedes race rift as Poll slip concerns party whips!

UKIP EU expenses expatriated in restaurant receipt slated to Brussels!

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Dolce and Gabbana drama unfolds as Elton told to fight for ‘family’ life!

Victoria in Peckham stood up to the bean counters at fashionista firmware makers D and G today.  Holding a candle in the wind for the Lion King Rocket Man pianissimo, Ms. Becks took issue with the anti-guy agenda of the post style alphabetic logo manufacturers.  “Family is what it’s all about, and everyone should have one, or two even if they need to use the spare bedroom because of poverty -which my husband and I abhor by the way, unless of course it comes in a little black number with Jimmie Wong stillettos…”

US calls IS Real threat to World Greece!bad-bomber1-macd_web

Foreign Ministers met outside the new European Bank building today dressed in Clown costumes to evade protesting citizens who are demanding their money back. Having bailed out the banks, the E-Union does not want to bail any thing else if it can help it, even if it means dissolution and running the continent in coalition with Scottish National Party goers.
Police cars continued to inflame the issue overnight as people masquerading as different other people confronted uniformed charade-ists intent on miming their way out of recession at all costs.

Jeremy very nearly fears he’s lost Top Gear!

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Having gone from style icon to national treasure of the unwashed and sole British export that says rude things about foreign cars, Jeremy-Clark-Bosun was traced to the Large Haydron Service Provider in Switzerland where he battled it out with other theoretical particles in a magnetized tunnel that replicates bumper cars for protons. Having smashed the record for smashing things, Jeremy’s car crash of a career continues to careen onto screens around the speed addicted world, where millions have been lost in the cancellation of two episodes of the Three Turds on Wheels show that critics say has existed long past it’s half-lifetime.

Twitter to market all the stupid things you tell people in the hope of seeming interesting.

NSA prism loyalty card scheme by macdunlop ©2013
In order to create profit out of ordinariness Big Daddy data is capitalizing on the unexpected compel-ment users have to tell everyone about their instant life.  Twit exec’s tweet to their followers that there is no such thing as a secret as far as they’re concerned, and they should now squeeze as much money as they can from you telling everyone about what your last fart smelt like, or wasting your existence away hashtagging pictures of cats licking themselves in domestic situations.

Large Haydron Service Provider picks Net Flix for grey matter’s Auntie-matter matrix!

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Cam’s Flim Flam over Debate Plans leaves Opposition in No-Man’s Land!

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Chinese Bankers thank British “W”_anker’s typo no-no for Promoting Asia Bank’s Financial Loop Hole!

©m.dunlop2011
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Tune in for more soon, in the meantime why not

Join in the latest cartoon caption contest here

And remember, the world of humour need you! 

(Please follow pOlitOOns, share, like, comment or do any other thing you don’t really have time for)


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Some headlines to occupy yourself – if not somewhere else – this week

Solar impulse embarks on world tour with excess human baggage!



(um… don’t worry, I don’t think anyone will notice, ed)



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Hilary pilloried over  impersonal email irresponsibility!



“I did not have sex with that man, Jeremy Clark-Paxman!”



Universal Debt tops Universal Credit for first time as Government contols bite!

(at least it’s still universal…)



Stationer’s Stock Paper Trail leads straight to SamCam’s Toilet Roll Honours List!



The leader of the opposition spends some quality time with family



Teenage Travel hits Legal Wrangle as Syria Wangles anti terrorist angle!



We got to Syria only to find our luggage had ended up in Sydney!

“My sis joined ISIS!” is the jist of missed girl’s wish list! Insist Police Force Apologists!



 Apple Apostles Apoplectic as CIA unpeels MacBook’s least secreted  sacred secrets!

(No logos were harmed in the making of this headline, ed.)

Tune in for more soon, in the meantime why not

Join in the latest cartoon caption contest here 

And remember, the world of humour need you! 

(Please follow pOlitOOns, share, like, comment or do any other thing you don’t really have time for)


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POlitOOns March 2015, issue #8

This week’s World News:

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Harrison Furd’s Near Miss!hebdo3-macd-2015-sm

ISIS is in CRISIS!

National News:

The Empty Chair Debate!

The National Illness Service!

Regular Politoon Services:

The Cartoon Caption Contest!

The Free Things that Everyone looks for in an e-magazine!

Have your hearsay here! (at the bottom of this supplement)

World News

Star Wars Pilot Crash not Career Ending!

Agents for doctors auditioning to treat Harrison Fjord say that the flight of nostalgia the actor flew onto a crazy golf course could not have been prevented. A caddy for the heart throb pensioner said the plane was as old as the actor so it was no surprise that it had it’s ‘moments’ from time to time.

An aviation expert explained: ‘what goes up must come down… and that is especially true of airplanes.’

Meanwhile aging director George ‘I-am-your-father’ Lucas said that when the 70 year old acting pilot comes to the end of his career, he will be digitize d for future episodes. The film’s producers suggest the whole golf course/plane crash incident may well have saved lives who could in turn could become future audiences. The director lauded the actor even as he was being wheeled away from the nineteenth green in a hospital trolley, “Didn’t even need a second take! What more can you ask for in an actor?”.

There is already talk of an Oscar nomination in the 2016 Charlie Sheen Career Crash category. The new Star Wars Branding exercise is expected to be coming soon to a galaxy far away near you…

CR-ISIS over whether ISIS is IS or IS IS?

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Militant Issisians have surrounded ancient burial grounds and started bulldozing artifacts from before they were born in an attempt to rewrite geography in their own image.  Meanwhile, the ISIS existential CRISIS continues as different parts of the world refer to different anagrams when referring to them. This has led to a re-registering of websites and media outlets in expectation that one or the other name changes will become official, leading to an enormous number of hash-tags having to be re-spelt.

PMT’s Absence causes Argument over Debate!

The empty chair of the Prime Minister came under fire in Britain this week as the unelected leader of the un-elected British government un-seated himself from Westminster Debating club circles. The Leading Opposing Leader was so enraged that he threatened to make non-debating illegal if elected, arguing that not arguing was not what the people want their unelected un-representatives to be doing or undoing before they are next not elected.

Cameron accuses Labour SNP link of being un BNP-ish

british pm swats at questions about life the universe and everything before going off on his hol's
The prime minister hit back at being called a ‘chicken’ by his critics.  Waving white feathers in the air and sticking his tongue out while blowing through his pursed lips, the leader of  England accused his opposite number of not adding up when it came to chatting with other people who might get elected too.  Saying that Scottish people who want independence from England shouldn’ be allowed to have a say in running the country, the Conservative Leader begged his unknown deputy Nick (peg) Legg to stand up and be counted by sitting in the empty deck chairs on the Titanic being provided by the BBC, Sky and ITV.  The media companies hope to make a meal of anything that doesn’t have to do with policies if politicians are elected as expected. This may interfere with viewer ratings when compared with football, “BeerWulf Hall”, and “Call the Midwife because-we-don’t-make-housecalls” style documentaries.

Ill people told they will walk again if they start walking in the first place!

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NHS backroom staff have suggested a new miracle cure to prevent death, illness and unfitness for work.  Based on the “it’s your fault in the first place” diagnostic method being championed in government covens, people across the country are advised to exercise their right to exercise as a way of bringing down the cost of the National Health Service that they pay for – although this is not intended to make it any cheaper, except for private contractors interested in taking part in National Illness. Studies show that if people exercise for 30 minutes five times a week, they are more likely to have less time to notice things getting worse.  Statistics show that people who exercise more than enough are also more likely to consider that ill people only have themselves to blame anyway.

“Half an hour isn’t much when you’re not doing anything anyway!” Health Sinister Jeremiah Hunt said to someone who couldn’t get up because they had made themselves so unwell. Doctors who want to make more money from working for the state have chided the ill for not trying hard enough, saying “It is simply no longer good enough to make a contribution through buying vast amounts of cigarettes, or alcohol, and paying exorbitant tax on it!” The same doctor paused before looking up from his stethoscope and added “People have got this idea that the money they put into the NHS pays for the service at their point of need, but being sick, ill or disabled is not necessarily the NHS’s fault, nor it’s intention!”lady-twerk-macd-tango-sm

Other doctors disagree, but most NIS whistle-blowers have been silenced in the government coven’s recent pre-election witchHunts. Whistle-blowers have been shown by government media supporters as damaging to the image of the One Nation One Health Service System and have been silenced at taxpayers expense. Health Mini-mister Foxtrot Tango Hunt says “Their actions could affect the price we get for privatizing bits and pieces as we go along, and that would be bad for the economic upturn on which the well-being of everyone who has an offshore account, is not domicile in this country or banks with HSBC depends!” 

Join in the latest cartoon caption contest here 

And remember, the world of humour need you! 

(Please follow pOlitOOns, share, like, comment or do any other thing you don’t really have time for)

Posted in caption competitions, news in 2015, politoons, satire, social commentary, UK Politics, world politics | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Oscar News Flash Causes Political Flack Attack!

Oscars Blighted by Whites Only Trophy Rights Fight!politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72

Boycotting the Oscars was this years must not do event of the year as red carpets were worn bare by fashion hogging day care celebs.  not-a-red-macd-9-3-13-smTreating itself as an institution that needs institutionalizing, the Oscars represents the best laundry powder since colour was invented. Making sure that all trophies were in the pink this year, the crowning glory of all things hype-ish got more advertising space than ever before for the new monied aristocracy of camera loving face paint and anti-aging cream. British winners fawned in unexpected ways that endeared them to their merry-can hosts, ensuring once again that fairy dust and silverware will continue to weigh heavily on British mantlepieces even when sporty ones do not.

Opposition Opposes Opposite of Posited Proposition!politoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-sm

“It’s easy to ridicule things if you don’t take them seriously” said an inside insider.ed-mil-imnoinnit-macd_sqsm

“Ed Millibland for example. Katie Price is another, and what about what that Steven Hawkwind bloke said when he won the Oscars? “Weeah-snort-squidge umphapumph oooh errr!” Very emotional, but get a bleedin’ grip, I say! What is the world coming to when acceptance speeches are reduced to nothing more than sniveling drivel…oh…I see… no change there then!

 

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Enter the Latest Politoons Caption Contest!

on the phone by macdpolitoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72The 8th Politoon Caption Contest is now open!

So, what’s your Line?

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click here for more info on the Caption contests, and to see our previous winners!
Tune in for more February Supplements over the coming days, so follow, feed, and generally spread the jam … I mean word!

 

The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

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Politoons 2015, issue #7 the brain drainz…

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72Science on verge of Unifying Conspiracy Theory of Everything!

Steven Hawkwind, scientific explorer and author of several space travel guides has suggested that once we invent something smarter than us, everything we suspect might be true WILL BE!
Having taken the Oscar world by storm because they found an actor who looked remarkably like him, Dr. Hawkwind has moved astrologers to tears with his emotional call for people to come together over a pint in the local pub and muse upon what a parallel existence where there are no pubs might look like.8-12-14-breast-feed-md-sm

HSCB Doubts Savings in Swiss Accounts of Tax Evasions!

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The plot thinned this week, as bankers at the height of British government took bonus culture to a new level for their high risk customers.  Having dodged bullets for money laundering in the United States of Deregulation, the money-at-all-costs Financial Whizz kids have fizzed their last.  The numbers game is up for tax havened Chair Sir Baron Lord might as well give him the lot Green, a Labour luvvie turned Tory turncoat whose blanket media coverage has smothered any talk of why he got where he was when everyone knew he’d done what he did.

Turning people into corporations in order to evade European Savings Time, the old watchmakers at the discredited too-big-to-bail bank went cuckoo at the clock as it wound down on their tax evasive racket.

an indian ink style cartoon by macd with a business theme

Now the left and the right of European Monopoly Politics are faced with red blushed cheeks as they try to blame each other for getting into bed with bankers while their civil partners thought they were just working late at the office again.

“Sorry dear, must save the world you know – don’t bother waiting up, there’s a good luv!”

Youth to be Driven into Exile if found in their Bedrooms after the Next Election

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Promising to hit the lackadaisical hard, the Leader of England pronounced the Youth word for the first time since the Riots of 2011. Having hugged hoodies honestly in historical hordes, the PMQ of Hospital Bethannia is now concerned that he has caught something rather serious – like the public mood or something.  Driving the economy forward by putting wages and living standards in reverse, the new rules on being young are intended to push people toward middle age faster than previously expected.

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Ukraine Brain Drain is Rocket Propelled Grenade say psycho-experts!

In a bid to get their tweets higher rankings and filed in the Library of Congress, neo-liberal minded mind scientists who think about thinking in the future suggest that one day everyone will be an expert in something.  “Pontificating in short messages is causing a profundity crisis in everyone’s mind” say current experts who are currently estimated to  be between 5 to 10 percent of the wider population. This figure is likely to expand as access to predictive text and spell checks advance the world economy into the Literary Age, as more and more smart objects become literate themselves. The world has already seen the first robot tweets – the Chinese Moon Lander that crashed last year while updating it’s FaceBook status is just one of many examples.  Robot thespians have also performed the work of Mary Shelley’s “I Frankenstein” to a theatre full of ipads, the artificial performance was then re-broadcast un-live to smart phones around the world.machine-loyalty-macd-sm

“But what’s that got to do with the crisis in the Ukraine?” Texted our Politoon reporter to a computer busy positioning satellites around the planet. “NO Likee, No Buyee!” replied the super mainframe as it quietly orbited past the Russian space station.

that’s it for this week
apart from…

the 8th Politoon Caption Contest is now open!

What’s your Line?

?

?

click here for more info on the Caption contests, and to see our previous winners!
Tune in for more February Supplements over the coming days, so follow, feed, and generally spread the jam … I mean word!

 

The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

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Posted in caption competitions, news in 2015, politoons, social commentary, UK Politics, world business, world politics | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Politoons 2015, issue # 6

E-Votes to follow E-Fags route!

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Come election time, voters will dribble out in their tens or so complaining about the weather and how much easier it would be to stay at home and do this sort of thing online, like mostly everything else in their lives.  Government officials agree, suggesting that interwoven pleb providers should slash costs for people who must use electricity to fill out confusing ballot forms.  Energy providers say they are willing to help people vote, offering discounts to those who use their services if they vote as recommended by energy advisers and use the new fossil fuel loyalty card scheme.  Offering air miles, coal fired warmth, and nuclear powered hot water facilities, the big 6 providers are encouraging people to ‘vote for their lives’ in return for fixed rate discounts on their locked-in price rising tariffs.

wind turbines satire by macd

TV Reviews because there is not enough News!

Big Bother!
Kim Khazakstan has emerged from the Big Brother bubble to show off her new range of close fitting soap dishes. (‘more bath wear than formal wear’ says our fashion editor) Meanwhile stupor model Katie Half Price has also enter the house and attendant fray, saying things that embarrass her former partner, their children and anyone with a modicum of intelligence (although the later are not know to have admitted to watching the new series).

Woulf Mall!d-cam-fop-macd_sm28-6-12
The historic re-enactment of a load of stuff that happened 500 years ago in a medieval shopping centre near Croydon is based on a the fictionalisation of a true story about dying town centres in Tudor England. The ongoing series now in it’s first one is all made up in the best tradition of British costume dramas, and has received rave reviews for being over-intentionally dull.  With no artificial light used to illuminate the Mall where the wolves live, Hillary Mantelpiece – scribe to the nation, and patented originator of the idea of historic fiction – has complained herself that the film locations are too dark to write in, and without historically accurate wi-fi, she has thus far been unable to make up the next installment of the series.  Hearing of Mantlepiece’s plight, the Queen (currently being played by Helen Mirren) has kindly offered Mantelpiece free entry to all National Trust properties, asking only that a part for her be written into the show should it be retained for a second series.

In other Loyal Royal news:

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Prince Charles, married twice and would be king who writes to people all the time in an attempt to influence their decisions, has raised a pair of bushy eyebrows at the thought of mounting the throne.  “Oooh Errr!” said the prince privately to his present wife (a gift bride from Dubai, with the honorary title of a Ferry in Cornwall). Once it was explained to the prince that there would be no mounting or Game of Thrones while his mother was still propped up on it, Charlie visibly relaxed before returning to his Cornish Feifdom, where a huge development that will make him richer than he ever needs to be is taking up most of his waiting time while Mater continues to tick off her  bucket list. (even Royals have to queue sometimes, it seems! ed.)a MacD pencil sketch

 

7th Politoon Caption Contest Winner!

This month’s questionable non-profit prize goes to  Mr. C Insoll, local lad done good by all accounts (if you mean Swiss bank accounts managed by HSBC!) Oh yes, more of them this week!

Bartender: What are you drinking?
Customer: I’ll have another…………”
Bartender: What’s with the paws?

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Bartender: What are you drinking?
Customer: I’ll have another…………”
Bartender: What’s with the paws?

Tune in for more February Supplements over the coming days, so follow, feed, and generally spread the jam … I mean word!

 

The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

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Posted in book, caption competitions, news in 2015, politoons, satire, UK Politics | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Poli-flash news ending week of February 6th 2015

America and Russians agree with Chinese on Syrian Conflictees!

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After many meetings negotiating how to get out of doing what they said they were going to do, John Hairy, secretary of state for stuff that America doesn’t care about announced that US authorities may be willing to see President Assad remain in power after all. White House insiders said that the American President, having spent the last 3 years suggesting the Syrian regime needed changing, and leaving thousands of rebels in the lurch after years of not supporting them was now backing away from the red line his administration had drawn over the affair. Oblama has recently sent his emmisaries to Moscow to negotiate a done deal with the Russian emirates, who always said US plans for the region were dumb-ass or ‘kaputnitski’ from the get go.20131123-102012.jpg

“At least someone has a plan now!” said a relieved American ambassador to Luxemburg who has no intention of leaving his kushti little number for the ISIS-IAN hot bed of a thousand and one Arabian Fights.
Libya meanwhile has erected a statue of Tony Blair shaking hands with Colonel Gadfly (ex) in a Tripoli theme park. Tripoli’s troubled mayor hopes to encourage tourism into the capital, and this week opened a “Migration Museum” with hands on displays, and Migration Imitation workshops aimed at nut-case survivalist tourism organizations interested in finding out how hard it is to get across the Mediterranean in a leaky boat, let alone into fortress Europe. Middle Age envoy Blair is expected to officially unveil the sculpture once he has eluded calls for him to answer perjury charges relating to what many British Militants fondly remember as ‘Tony’s War’.

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Flight MH 370 has accidentally disappeared officially!

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Confirming that no one is going to explain what really happened, especially to those that think the plane was shot down mid air, Malaysian investigators intend sweeping everything under the carpet on the sea floor, and handing out compensation dosh in the hope that everyone is so exhausted by the ordeal, they won’t notice that Diego Garcian officialers have quietly spread the hush money around, waiting for everyone to give up on the whole thing.

Nasty people in Nasty places more likely to vote for Nasty parties!

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The Nasty party of Groot Brittania today announced it’s pre-election findings carried out by a made up group of nameless pen pushers. In response to the idea that over 6 million people were exterminated seventy years ago by a group with a similar name, the Nasties have hired half of Saatchi and Saatchi ( now known as ‘Saatchi And…’) to reinvent the wheel and themselves in time for the non-Euro British elections. The Nasties new election slogan also doubles as their election pledge, when in power the Nasties promise to: “Keep Calm, and stay Nasty!”

 

More February Supplements over the coming days, so tune in, follow, feed, and generally spread the jam … I mean word!

Meanwhile, here’s the regular features:

the 7th Politoon Caption Contest (closing at the end of this week!)

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The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

ED-front4-sm

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Poli-flash #5 news supplement, feb 2015

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Russian Bombers Invade British Aerospace!

Having taken the wrong flight path to Stansted, two Russian planes found themselves circling over the English channel having realized the cabin crew’s luggage had been loaded onto the wrong airline. Apologizing to the RAF tornadoes scrambled to intercept them, the Russians offered a range of duty free items including Vodka and a shrinking collection of Matroyska Dolls to the defensive British pilots. Air France was also affected, where a government spokesperson assured cartoonists that everything would be done to protect those who wished to comment on the incident.boom-boom-14-12-14macd-sm

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FIFA’s Blatt probes into Match Fixing Facts!

In sport Seb Blahblah Blatter the president of Soccer is fighting rivals for his position as chief bribe-maker at the top of the so called sporting government’s body. With only ex-footballers as rivals, he expects to announce his own succession, having gone on a weekend course in political survival run by a crack team of Russian presidential dynasticians. Meanwhile players in the English game curtsey after stamping on each other’s ankles in a rare show of support for referees  accused of making controversial, if not life changing decisions. Team managers are furious at this unmanly show of protest, refusing to speak with the 200,000 pound a week players, storming down wind tunnels without speaking to the media, and feeling humiliated in front of thousands of fans who had previously mortgaged their homes and given up their children’s university places in order to feel like part of a team.footy_birdcage_kick_mdweb

more up to date flashes as things continue to kick off,
keep your plane spotting eyes peeled for more national and international Politoons news
Don’t forget the 7th Cartoon Caption Contest drawing to a close february 8th!
and the rest
clown-gun-no-tear-sm-mdcheers for now,

please credit all text and images © macd

 

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POlitOOns February 2015 #5 part 1

UK Government to introduce Caption Tax on Intellectual Property under 140 characters long!

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72The current co-inhibition government has introduced new election policies in an attempt to confuse people even further. The people running the country who hate each other have proposed an unfairer but equal “Caption Tax” where word bubbles over 140 characters long would be taxed at source, and then even more so depending on how they trend.  Treasury proponents insist that this is a very workable idea, if only because it means nothing, and people unlikely to vote will have to work even harder and for less as they try to figure out what the government means by all this.
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Labelled the “Twit Tax” by new media pundits who can’t make a living out of their addiction for love nor money, Government and Opposition leaders today were told by their media gurus to listen in on focus groups who represent the “commonest” of people.  Concentrating on the two issues expected to dominate the next election: A) greedy rich people who live in big houses, and B) fear of not being able to afford prolonged illness or death, the coming election in three month time has forced those in and out of government to focus on focus groups for a record ump-teenth time.holiday-doghouse-macd-sm

Having thought up the Mansion Tax as a fair representation of what people would like to happen without having to think too hard, the ghost chancellor has announce unique opposition party plans to tell everyone what their plans are should they be elected.  This has galvanized the grass roots – though some argue it’s simply the onset of spring – into a new shooting spree involving the seeds of an idea combined with a watered down approach to the blossoming property market.
how the welfare secretary sleeps at night by macd
“Not knowing what we stand for is not necessarily a weakness in the electorate!” said Ghost Chancellor Ed BallBoy before running down the street proclaiming:. “Anyone who cares will tell you that they don’t know what any of the political parties stand for anyway!”

Frozen Food Follows Fuel in Energy Phase Out!

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Concern has mounted horses recently as the international community decides to privatize it’s social status in light of it’s utter helplessness in the face of superpower struggles. One super powered country that can see through walls and turn ordinary matter into ice has already threatened to freeze food costs and open a chain of stores across Europe selling crystalised nutrients to consumers. Subsidized by government tax reforms, consumers will pay less for food that is frozen while spending more on keeping it that way until they get around to eating it. Promised power cuts have also knee jerked the oil industry into action. Spokespersons say the industry has already lowered costs as little as they can, showing how committed they are to the expense of everything else.

More February Supplements over the coming days, so tune in, follow, feed, and generally spread the butter, …I mean word!

Meanwhile, here’s the regular features:

the 7th Politoon Caption Contest

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The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

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Short Breaking news – Plain Packaging to be trialed in election campaigns!

Plain Packaging rules to be used in Election Campaign!

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Politicians around the world have broadly welcomed the idea of not being identifiable to voters in future election campaigns. Research shows that the spread of voting across parties is relatively unchanged, even when whom people vote for comes as a complete surprise.elections in modern times by macd

Seeing this as an opportunity to make voting more fun – like scratch cards – election reformists insist that if we must pretend to be a democracy and have elections, then more people are likely to engage if there is a chance of winning something for themselves.

The coming UKIsland plc elections could be the first to offer £10 spot prizes with scratch card ballot papers and online betting sites where voters could find themselves in line to win a range of cash and other prizes, such as lottery funded NHS services or free University places for friends and loved ones.ukip monster elections by macd

Look out for the next full issue of Politoons landing on your virtual doorstep on Monday February 2nd!

for more on Politoons, attendant paraphernalia, etc. click here
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Recyclo-toons, last year’s buzzword was ‘free'(©2014 all rights reserved)

World governments curb abuse of the word ‘free’!

police-state-visit-macd-smWorld governments intend to curb abuse of the word ‘free’dom in a bid to clarify the term’s use in financial markets and advertising campaigns.

“Freedom of speech is fine as long as you don’t keep going on about it!” Said an exasperated government spokesperson today squawking like a bird strung up by its legs on a chicken wing assembly line. Today’s governments have come to realize the confusion amongst first time non-voters regarding use of the word ‘free’ in so many different areas of both their public and their un-private lives.  After research by a right wing linguistic ink tank, studies have begun to emerge that show the public is less and less likely to believe that something is really ‘free’ because so many free offers come with strings attached, or more usually, an obligatory lifetime commitment to believing everything you are told without having so much as a pause for thought.

Now here’s some other contemporary-ness:

the 7th Politoon Caption Contest

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The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

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get in touch if you want to or purchase anything, cards, books, prints or special items, just leave a comment or use the contact from below.

and please ignore the ads,

cheers, macd

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Politoons 2015 Supplement One, 26th of January

 

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72Prime Minister solves the problem of what to do with Cold Callers!

on the phone by macd

david cameron british prime minister by macdHanging up on a drunk who had made his way through high level security carrying a pint and smoking a cigarette, the PM’s bodyguards insisted they thought it was Nigel Farage on the line, whom the Prime Minister had told everyone to listen out for.  As it turned out to be an ordinary member of the public who was not organising a drone assassination attempt, using the PM’s mobile phone as a homing device for a predator missile, the country was told to “keep calm, and your pants on”.

Greece’s Discovers Democracy in Austerity!

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Greece meanwhile decided it has had enough of Europe, but  – unlike Britain – has insisted they would stay in the game.  A table large enough for all of Europe to sit around to discuss the Greek Debt Mountain was hastily organised (cobbled together from some crates and bits and bobs left over from old Butter and Wine Mountains found going mouldy at the back of the fridge)

Education isn’t Working!

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The Labour Party’s new campaign slogan harks back to the dark days of the Thatcheric Era, when the two Saatchi’s – as opposed to Ronnies – made the British tradition of queuing into an enduring election pledge. Now the legacy industry has recycled the difference between Labour’s ideas of ‘academies’ and the coalition government’s ideas of ‘academies’ into a Govian nightmare of distinguishing between doing one thing one way and the same thing another. Shadowy Education Minister in waiting Tristan Blunt, and his even posher sounding brother James have bandied about pages of a new report that inconclusively says all the money spent on changing things hasn’t really.

American Sniper Hits The Big Screen! (damaging it beyond repair)

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Clint Eastwood, father of American democracy and a conspiracy theory in his own right has unleashed an unabashed flavour of the month hit that has exploded the idea of war and how good Americans are at that kind of stuff when given guns to shoot at each other with and left to their own devices.  Hollywood is reeling under the rampant gingo-ism and patriotic fervor that Clint, in homage to John Wayne before him has served up to Americans on screen the way McDonald’s serves the nation their fries. In a film that waxes nostalgic about nasty snipers who are increasingly being replaced by nastier unmanned drones, the military industrial complex has found in war, a reason to celebrate its self-justification, once again clawing pyrrhic victory from the jaws of  a 2nd presidential term defeat.

Canadian Government Halved as Oil Price Shock and Awe hits Tar Sands Home!

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The Harper government has bitten off the hand that feeds it, in the hope of claiming accident insurance to disguise the fact that they have overseen the worst man-made spoilation of natural habitat since a meteor hit the planet millions of years ago and wiped out the dinosaurs. Panicking because his horse has died, and people realized he was a one trick pony, Harper has appealed to the Western provinces to rehabilitate his flagging popularity by replicating Toronto’s ex Mayor Rob Ford’s strategy of crack fueled drug abuse and intimidation nationwide.  The high risk strategy has been code named Harp Attack, and if it fails, he intends selling off the Dew Line  – an outdated intercontinental missile early warning system – to a bunch of Russian Oligarchs he met at a time share conference in Davos, Switzerland.

That’s it for today’s Politoons supplement. But you can still check out the Caption Contest and other regular features below. And if you’re worried about what’s going on in the world, or in your state of mind, and it’s got you feeling a little paranoid and that everyone is out to get you – don’t worry… chances are you’re probably right.

(p.s happy birthday Rick)

the 7th Politoon Caption Contest

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The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

ED-front4-sm

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Posted in economy, education, europe, news in 2015, UK Politics, US Politics, world business, world politics | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Politoons Issue #4, January 2015

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Age of Dissent lowered amongst Consenting Adults

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As birthday parties have taken a pummelling over the last week due to parental guidance systems targeting absent youngster’s elders, the government has decided to lower the Age of Dissent to comply with the new Constitutional framework being discussed in Holy Rude – the Scottish seat of lavatorial power.  Nichola Farage, leader of the Scottish Independence from Scotland party has fueled speculation that the legal age of protest – currently set at the European average of nineteen and a half years – should be lowered to eighteen, meaning millions more

youngsters won’t need their parents permission to complain about everything.

the Scottish Parliament recently

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Johnathan Porridge, leader of the “Let’s save the world by taking money from the people who are wrecking it” NGO has backed plans for the Davos WRF forum – World’s Richest Fockers – to publish an edict on who is allowed to protest against what they will do anyway.hebdo8-macd-2015-sm

President-about-to-retire Barrack Obladama of the United States of Multinationals has sent a previously vice presidential person to complain to the rich people about what rich people have and haven’t done recently.  Ex Vice person Al Bore wore an expensive suit and dragged along a rich creative person to show that the potential for Dissent among the young* (*defined in Davos literature as “future old people”) is higher than for any previous generation – as is the debt being handed down to them.

Falling oil price forces non profit environmentalists to seek non profits elsewhere!

Jonathon Porridge of the unsustainable future forum (UFF!) says the idea of conventional energy firms transitioning into alternative energy firms is pure grammatical fantasy, and that his years of executive pay at the helm of a lobby group that never got beyond the foyer were coming to an end. Porridge poured cold water on the idea that the oil industry might save the earth from human induced destruction saying that: “for-profit companies no longer take non-profit into consideration when deciding on the future of our planet.”

rich people recently

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The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

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and the 7th Politoon Caption Contest

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Posted in business, news in 2015, politoons, satire, social commentary, US Politics, world business | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Politoons 2015 issue #3/ 16th of January

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Manga Carter celebrates 800th anniversary edition!

Manga Carter, the comic book that laid the foundations of democracy in the 13th century is celebrated in a special 800th year edition that brings back all the key characters in the ultimate battle of legislation between rich and poor. King John, the whimsical King who ran up credit faster than a toothache causes pain, finds himself surrounded by robber Barons who want to see a decent return on their investment in his crown. Having lost most of France to the French, the English King must now pay back his lenders or face up to the Papal Bull that snorts in the corner of his power hungry mind. Tune into the final episode narrated by Melvyn Bragg, staring Ray Winston as the psychopathic monarch bent on unifying a nation by handing over full control of the law of the land to aristocrats who want to have a go at doing whatever they want whenever they want for a change!

Will England quake, or have a bake off? Only time will tell what our dark hero’s fate will be as he faces his greatest fear: Having his expenses scrutinized by an independent watchdog! Get Manga Carter! Outed Now, under royal seal and state protected.

Driverless economies to replace chancellors and treasury’s over coming decades!

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The success of driver-less trains, planes and automobiles has emboldened the British Chancellor to make an election pledge to taxpayers that would officially make him redundant if a government wins the next election as expected. Plans for May 2015 include many more automatic ticket machines, barriers, check outs/ins for the burgeoning virtual country being touted as ‘e-UK.com’. a non-existent online nation to be sold off in dribs and drabs if a British government comes out on top in the Strictly Politics vote being held by the BBC this spring.

Judges are already practicing their metaphors, odd accents and handy quips in readiness for the peacock like displays expected from celebrity politicians. In an overview of how things are shaping up, the fau-clay company Play Doh has been manufacturing hand held devices to help young people create carefully crafted caricatures of their favourite political couch potatoes.

Expect more mud slinging, blood letting, and goofy photographs of people doing odd things like eating while on the campaign trail. Media moguls expect ski slopes to get their drifts to pile up as party leaders plow on down the slippery run in to the election.

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Nostalgia rampant amongst over 50’s, latest studies reveal.

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A worrying increase in nostalga-phobia is causing concern in diminishing government circles. Older people who in previous generations used to tell their younger counterparts how lucky they were to live in an age of combustion engines and atomic power, are increasingly being retro-negative about current lifestyles. Where the older generation once went on about rationing and being beaten with corporeal implements as part of their education, nowaday’s vintage citizenry are more likely to be telling the youngsters that they never had it so bad.

New policies by previously backward thinking political parties will make nostalgia-philia into a criminal offence, and are warning nearly previous generations to hold back on the ‘it was better in my day’ advice, or face having their ring fenced pensions un-ringed in future parliaments. A spokesperson for a group that wants to keep nostalgiaphilia legal was unavailable for comment yesterday, so we asked a senior editor to make up a quote on their behalf: “Telling young people about grants for education when they are only used to a world of loans, and being in debt before they leave the nest is an important part of this country’s heritage!” Our token oldie then went on to say “Living wages, employment contracts, social safety nets, freedom of expression and peaceful protest are bread and butter – obviously I mean bread and margarine for those who are vegan, and gluten free bread for… without nuts either, anyway gluten free bread, dairy free butter, right? – these are the issues that people don’t realise went along with making a killing on property values, being greedy about deregulation – let alone always moaning about the government and red tape without having the foggiest as to how you would do things differently. These are the memories that are under threat if we criminalize nostalgia, then no one will know what life was like before the internet let alone reddit, facecrook and twitting and whatsits! For the sake of future generations, we simply cannot stand idly by drinking bolly and waving our walking sticks in the air as if we were stereotypical representations of our parents!”

We all nod and smile patiently until the senior editor says “those who forget history are destined to…eh… whatsit!”

The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now

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and the 7th Politoon Caption Contest

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lastly, if you missed it, here’s a link to Charlie Inspired Politoons

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Posted in book, caption competitions, news in 2015, politoons, satire, UK Politics | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Revenge of the Cartoons #2

It has come to my attention that I don’t offend people enough. I have had my knuckles rapped (in a non-violent way of course) because I continue to produce work that fails to inflame.

I have therefore put down my pen (as opposed to anybody else) for the time being in order to offer this spoken word piece to the waiting throngs of knuckle rappers as nothing short of a cowardly and shameful attempt at appeasement.
Here is a pen-free audio piece of mine: “mono-land-of-the-free”

As for mon stylo? Well Chuckie, the people I don’t offend enough will have to take it from my cold dead hands:

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Posted in mac dunlop poet, mac dunlop poetry, news in 2015, politoons, Radio Politoons, satire, the art world, world politics | Tagged , | 1 Comment