A Brexiteer’s Unfocused Group Guide to the EU Referendum
(B.U.G.G.E.R) pt I
Free your Mind, unfocus your group and lets break down the break down in communication that is descending into farce and makes the monster raving looney party look like they actually have a coherent policy for governing Britain.
Firstly, our great leader – no not him, the other one, the one the Queen likes – has been in the hot seat, squirming under fire on Sky ( a bastion of sticky pudding quagmire for the less than right minded). Not for the first time David has been forced out of his chauffeur driven comfort zone when coming fact to face with the voting public, or as he learnt to refer to them at Eton “OIKS!”
Of course, it is a different story when David operates on the international scene. For example when he forces his way into the open doors of Brussels to fight for a stronger deal for Britain in Europe, he is more likely to be received as an elder(ly) statesman, amongst peers.
*Verpiss Dich, roughly translates as “EFFF OFF!”
There are many issues to discuss at these meetings, its not all about Britain (sadly as most Brexiteers think, Britain is often ignored in Brussels apart from when it isnt) Different countries have pressing issues of their own which for some reason they think are important too. Migration for example. Different countries tackle this crisis in different ways. Denmark for instance has instigated an entry fee, similar to amusement parks, cinemas, and some public lavatories. Asking people who have sacrificed everything to sacrifice a little more to prove their patriotism to a nation they want to get into just long enough to be able to then move on somewhere else.
So let’s not forget what we’ve learnt from being Europeans in the past – not just sanitation, human rights and the renaissance, but culturally too, Talent contests for instance, things we have adapted and made our own.
We may be as likely to win the Eurovision Song Contest as Elvis is to show up on a fast food stall in Bolivia selling guinea pig fritters, but Britain punches above it’s weight when it comes to the Eurorevisionist History Contest. The recent London finals ended in a dead heat between two of the capital’s most vociferous rivals.
As far as Brexiteering closer to home goes, a lot of people think that Scotland might have another referendum on an UKxit if the Brexit goes ahead. This has unsettled a lot of would be highland settlers but has not gone unforeseen by the Brexit Nudist Camp. Michael Gove, rumoured to have descended from the dead – some of whom were once Scottish Scottish has the perfect solution to placate all those who might miss the kilts, bagpipes, iron brew and scotch bonnets should the Highlanders Sling their hook. Gove’s vision is to replace Scotland with another nation like Turkey, and solve the west Lothian Question forever by simply not having a place called that anymore.
In fact the Leave Movement’s League of the Unwelcome – of which Michael is Chairwarmer – speaks a language that speaks to the silent majority who don’t like to speak themselves in modern Brexitland. With an uncanny ability to convince the public that when they see anyone speaking to voters that person must be a lizard that talks absolute rubbish, or as the twitter sphere has come to call it, #Nige-a-bollox
What’s significant here is that we as a nation of people who complain about things all the time, like the weather for instance (hasn’t it been dreadful? Tsk, and the summer isn’t looking too clever either…) are finally talking about what it means to be British and European all at once, with an actual tunnel that connects us to the continent like an umbilical cord! #Amazing!
The important thing is that we can trust our “elected” leaders to make important decisions about the future of the country and give us the facts, straight up…
So the future has never looked brighter!
(BTW Will the last Briton to leave the EU brick up the tunnel behind them?)
that’s the end of part 1, but tune in on Monday, June 6th for part two in POlitOons Serial Referendum BUGGER Special!
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