An extensive search for someone from the government to interview after the launch of the conservative Election Manifesto has unveiled a note pinned to the hopes of Trace May’s vision for a whiter future. In it loyal party supporters have been lumped in with the feckless miscreants who litter the country with their unwanted souls like leeches preying on the stick legs of the ageing land owning class. “Join me” said May yesterday in an old mill surrounded by old men who appeared to have been spray bombed with grey blue war paint before entering the well guarded hall.
The not yet dead well read leader of the BeLaboured Party has been revealed to be an actual son of someone, as evidence of his having inherited things from his mother when she passed away circulate endlessly in Government echo chamber circles like the BBC. As investigative reporters played bridge with bored well off elderly people who look about my age, their overdubbed narrative tugged at the heartstrings as loyal Tory voters blamed the poor for being poor and patted themselves on the back for still being able to remember the day they first voted for Margaret Thatcher.
Having realised the galactic dimensions of the sh*t storm approaching Britain, the woman who only wants what’s best for the people who are against globalisation and for world trade may be having second thoughts about the bollocks of a mess created during the last 7 years of not reducing the deficit, net immigration or unsqueezing the middle while having promised to do so that she is now responsible for as she transforms her party into a UKIP government. After a quiet word with her husband on the One Show watched by millions, Trace and her bin man are hoping to have more time to themselves once theyy lose the election so someone more qualified can get on with running the country.
That’s it for now, more Politoons news as it breaks over our heads like an unexpected hail storm.
Hey! What about this guy?
no point, he’s already toast. (ed)
British Electoral Roll to be based on Television License Fee payments!BBC Impartiality Tzar Liar Kunstburger made the announcement today from inside the frame of a camera shot depicting the desolate northern seaside towns that were once thriving peasant villages in the feudal days before Thatcherism and her Industrial revolution that changed the face of a nation from smiley to frowny in less that a generation.
Kunstburger says “If we use the latest viewing figures instead of asking people to register to vote, we’ll get more informed audiences in the ballot box!” When asked about top ten topic ‘immigration’ LK told the questioner that television was a natural filtering device for controlling the vast number of people who want to come to this country to watch television. “What could be simpler than demanding everyone signs up and registers before watching television or listening to the radio?”
She went on to add “Its gonna be great!” before giving the thumbs up and jetting off to deliver a package to News at Ten.
Pollsters are generating newsfeeds suggesting that the polls could win a landslide in the coming general election wiping out mainstream parties in a bonfire of the infernos not seen since the idea of asking people what they think about things was first recorded. History shows that predicting how things will go before they have come and gone is an exciting area for unpaid interns and data collection experts in general who are prepared to keep annoying people until they submit to questioning.
Software giant’s clients in hacking sh*t storm as Bill -Ransom-Gate faces down anonymous cyber-bots!
Philanthropic philanderer Big Bill Gates says he is ready for a showdown with unknown Dark Net users after North Korea threatens to launch missile strike on Ransom Net HQ somewhere in a wi fi hotspot near you.
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