Politoonz issooz week ending 27-9-14

PM rises to address imminent AM issues

News of the prime minister having gone somewhere or other to talk about climate change has been declared idle gossip spread by idlers who should be out there working. “Armchair bloggers should get a real job in journalism, then they’d find out what it’s really like to sit around all day waiting for something to happen!” said a sitting MP queuing to be whipped on the government benches.

London’s Gurning!
Squeaky trolleys have been outlawed in parts of London, as the Mayor’s new whist drive to create no go areas for anything with four wheels has taken off in a way that his plans for an airport haven’t. “This is not the time for unfit shopping trolleys and ones with duff wheels to be littering the shiny streets of the nation’s capital – by which I mean the financial district.” Said the wannabe MP from a hair salon chair in Leicester Square yesterday.

Lit Mad World Gets More Literary!
The world of poetry has lauded a new collection inspired by the government focus on the national happiness index. a poet has decided that Happiness that would make the perfect title for their new collection on musings about existence as they watch people queue outside food banks.

His Story is all about Her!
In other literary news, a famous fictional historian has been accused of bigotry for fantasizing about assassinating historical figures. “The past is not a playground for historians, it is a series of dates and facts, like 1066 and all that!” said a histrionic other historian, determined to get his facts right before auditioning for mastermind.

 

and don’t forget to have a go at the cartoon contest at the bottom of this link!

until we meet again dear bleeder!

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Politoons Och Aye The Newz! for September 18th, 2014

 

 

Referendum Today!

The worst political scenario may come into being today as north of the bord-arians go on trial in a test of strength to decide their uncertain future. Political leaders across the spectrum are ranging from angry – red – to envious – green – while those on the left are feeling a little blue.  The problem with anti-christ legislation has heaved the disputes over troubled waters back into the eye of the storm today, as seamstresses argue over the eye of a needle left in a haystack overnight that a camel passed water through in time for the next election.

World Leader News

President Obamathon now in the salad days of office has found his time as a ‘world leader’ to be blessed with overreactive elements within his administration – like phosphorous which is fine until it comes into contact with water. While ISIS the Egyptian god of something – but not pyramids – has decided to take over a bit of this country and a bit of that one, creating new borders along lines drawn in the sand by water courses long before people discovered chalk and boards, and had to ask permission to go to the toilet.

Shut your mouth?

Meanwhile the world of dentistry has been up in flames about the use of hot water to wash out mouths during the rinse cycle.  They say they want their clients to ‘spit it out’  over charges that they overcharge in their millions for just having a look – saying everything is fine and demanding you to return with some more money in six months time if you don’t want your face to fall off.

Cycling Wetware

While in sport news,  a group of women woke up to the exploitation being meted out to them by their own cycling federation. Their new national uniforms include evening gowns and stiletto heeled cycling shoes. The expectation being that they will compete using the ‘side-saddle’ technique favoured by English costume dramas, and made famous by Queen Victoria in that film starring a Scottish comedian.

Comms Giants Junk Test!

Email account holders woke up with a shock today to find their spam folders empty, and no junk mail in their in boxes.  Communication giants YaFU, BotMail, and Amazathon admitted that a technical error meant that for the first time since the internet was discovered millions of users did not receive unwanted mail.  Many have since complained, suggesting that unwanted email is their only link to the outside world, and are threatening to litigate against companies that fail to maintain a reasonable supply of unwelcome solicitations.

Politoons Caption Contest Number 5!

This slumbering thought may ly like a sleeper -dormant for years then suddenly wake up with a…?

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