Chelsea’s Birthday – a few celebratory toons

 

politoons manning case by macd

Chelsea – Happy Birthday!
sorry for the tardiness in sending you the best of birthday wishes!  Politoons is very grateful for your contribution to a free information society.

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NSA prism loyalty card scheme by macdunlop ©2013

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The Enigma Deviations is out now, leave a comment below for ordering details

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Porridge, The Global Economy, Sports News and other Methane Emissions

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on the phone by macd

RECIPES FOR THE SEASON OF MOODY PEERS!

Baroness Jenkins “how to make poverty porridge”

take one baroness

place in front of a microphone

leave for five minutes

add discussion about poor people to taste

Russell Brand’s “how to make mince-your-words meat”

answer questions vaguely in front of a live audience

appear saddened by the level of political debate

joke about chest hair and being well off on social media

tell people not to be so saucy – nor to vote neither!

leave in panel show overnight to stew

David MilliBrand’s “how to escape the UN”

comment on global trends in terrorism and poverty

insist you have no intention of returning to politics

insert homilies about your estranged brother

leave to stand at the next election

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IN GLOBAL NEWS!

The World has gone MAD!

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It’s official, lunacy has overtaken sanity for the first time in the history of civilization.  With governments globally eroding confidence in saving the planet, certain forms of madness have been approved by the UN in order to keep everyone at the table to discuss what to do about

the weather.  Climate scientists continue to be blamed for talking about the climate instead of the weather – which surveys show many more people are comfortable with.  The new Weather Warming Warning group (WWIII) has been lobbying the international community to fund new measuring systems that will track global weather around the world.  This is intended to shift the focusing away from what is happening with the climate, which has been upsetting the kids, worrying the sheep, and causing havoc in the financial markets where stall holders are still recovering from the Age of Stupid – now more commonly known as “Black Friday”.

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72SPORT!

Premier Inns sponsors Hotel League of Gentlemen

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In sporting news, the Premier League of Gentlemen has raised the bar by restricting the height of goalkeepers for the first time in order to make the game more “interesting”. Other proposals such as using an eleven sided ball instead of a round one narrowly missed being selected for trials at the next world cup in sunny Qatar. Detractors have pointed out that the pointy bits of a cornered football could be dangerous, especially when heading in front of goal, “worse than John Terry’s elbows” one millionaire with a funny haircut suggested from his Masserati. Meanwhile experts have argued that the point of the game is to get the ball into the net, and therefore if the point of the ball gets into the net, that’s a result, and this eleven sided goal and the mini-keepers should be allowed.

OIL TSARS BUYS MEDIA TO OFFSET METHANE EMISSIONS

putin and the hobby horse

Oil prices continue to tumble despite the fact that oil based products aren’t getting any cheaper, even in Russia, where the Rouble spells t-rouble for the administration.  Without a leg to stand on or a shoulder to cry on, the beleagared Tsarista Mad-Vlad proposes to pull out all the stops and do whatever it takes to set the wheels of industry in motion. Meanwhile, money flows out of the county’s banking system faster than you can say Boris Yeltsin. It is predicted that worse is yet to come for Botox clinics in Moscow. (actually this is pretty serious stuff! you wait for cheaper gas to come along for ages, then a bunch of global political issues drive by at once! ed.)

In other Petroleum Leaks

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Planners in Alberta, somewhere in Canada-land have decided to pave over the Tsar Sands projects to create giant Park and Hide facilities for Calgary – stampedes during rush hour are currently causing chaos in the Tundra, where the mythical Sasquatch is rumoured to live in a condo unit managed by a neo-liberal survivalist community. The neo-libbers have isolated themselves from the rest of hu-sanity in the hope of eventually ‘becoming one with the tar’ and thus preserving themselves as examples of an extinct species, just as their dinosaur forebearers once did in the Jurassic Era of Tar Sand Amusement Arcadias. (#update: Our roving reporter Dabbling Brooks has complained to FB CEO Mark Suckerburger that his status updates relating Blood to Oil and Diamonds have disappeared from his investigative timeline.)

BRITISH NEWS FOR BRITISH PAY PER VIEWS!

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English Laws for English Flaws!

Cameron, and the Ice queenA Bill has been endorsed by the proxy PM of Eng-land that will allow exclusive voting powers only to Anti-Europe and Anti British -MP’s who want to see English flaws made only by English Lawds.  English is a very old language that traces it’s history back through the 20th centuries and beyond, originating in ancient times before the internet, when being a King or Queen really was important (instead of it just being an excuse for being rich and expecting people to shut up when you speak). Grammatical eccentricities and the use of one of the most popular languages in the world since the collapse of the British (n.e. English) Empire is being brought back under the control of the Ministry for English Sentences and Stuff.  Deputy Minister Pidge Inn at the MESS has approved a lexicon of typos and syntaxic foibles that are particularly English.  These eccentricities have been put before the House of Cards in a motion that may disturb the blow, flow and spit of rappers and poets for enervations to come, resulting in the eventual collapse of the entire House into a heap of estuary english cliche’s – if he plays his cards right.

a christmas theme cartoon about snakes using the indian ink cartoon style

Don’t forget to order a copy or two of The Enigma Deviations, just get in touch by leaving a comment with us here at Politoons

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and there’s that 6th Cartoon Cartoon Caption Contest to worry about and stress over too!

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REMEMBER!

macds world of humor

©politoons2014

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Winner of the 5th Caption Contest!

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This one was a  challenge for the dedicated captioneers out there. You could almost smell the wood smoke, as brain cells roasted on an open fire, and cerebral fluid bubbled with consterna-tious express-itude.

 

here are the shortlisted runners up:

 ‘GCHQ goes organic’

alluding to the spying fraternity seeking the seal of approval from the Soil Association from D. T.

‘Your goal is to breed all the different dragons available’

a caption inspired by the Role Playing MUD MOO and ROTFL community perhaps? from Johnd

‘In the blink of an eye Willy wakes.’

oh how the wonderful S.B. must have sent brain cells racing around the collider to come up with that!

the 5th caption contestBut after a great many sleepless nano-seconds, the chosen winner of this month’s Politoons Caption contest is

 

‘Looks like the unemployed figures are getting smaller!’

from the super Mr. Power!

who will be receiving his signed Glicee print of the Cartoon and Caption as soon as we track him down!

Thankyou all for entering, and an honourable mention goes out to the tireless T.C. a previous winner.

Don’t forget that the illuminating collection of cartoons ‘The Enigma Deviations’ is out now too. Check it here

and finally here we are:  introducing the 6th Politoon Caption Contest!

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just leave your caption in the caption box below, and good luck!

 

 

Posted in caption competitions, cartoon captions, mac dunlop cartoons, politoons | Tagged | Leave a comment

The week of breast feeding, computer gaming, house pricing, sinking or swimming – and that lovely book!

8-12-14-breast-feed-md-smpolitoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72MP’s paid to train in playing computer games!

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A part time computer game expert and MP for a constituency in the United Kingdom where nothing ever happens – so he can doze off whenever he likes – says it’s an outrage that salaried people representing their constituents are photographed doing what they like in committee meetings! He expressed disquiet that anyone should criticize an elected member for the act of showing up and sitting there quietly without annoying anyone. Other governing members agree that too much importance is placed on what is said in these meetings, and not enough emphasis is made of  the fact that everything is written down

anyway…by someone…somewhere…

One formerly large member described his own committee experience as akin to a 60’s acid flashback. Having dropped to the floor in boredom and fainted away at the thought of another two hours of taxpayers money funding his presence, he suddenly woke to find himself lying in a pool of urine whilst surrounded by a crack team of paramedics. “If a Member of Parliament can maintain consciousness by not doing what they’re paid for when they’re supposed to, then good on them I say!” He said, offering our reporter a puff on his vape-pipe.

Nigel vents feelings about weaning public from breast feeding!

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The loan arranging MEP who doesn’t want to be an MEP has delivered a devastating body blow to lactating humans around the world. Having little to do in Brussells besides finding neo-fascist sympathisers to join his “we don’t want to be here!” crusade in order to keep getting the EU money he doesn’t want, Nigel has the nation’s nipples in his sights as he plans his election strategy. Luckily, we know his is not a one-issue, one nation, one man band kind of leaving party,  and he has sent everyone a xmas card showing how if elected, he will cause road accidents, crash into houses, and kill! kill! kill! before stopping off for a pint to talk about foreigners with the man on the Clapham omnibus.

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-smBudget boost for unsustainable house prices!

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Boy George-iO grappled with the cuts he promised to make this week by sending house prices soaring! Another boost to the helium balloon known as property values means little Englanders can call their home a castle, even if it is a tarmaced garden terraced house with a white van in the drive and has flags for curtains. Just in time for the season of giving! Oh Nigel, I can’t believe you got me a tattoo for Xmas! How thoughtful! I love the trill of the pipes and the beat of the drum… oh I see, not that kind of tattoo…the housing shortage continues

NASA reasserts its status with launch on Facebook!astro-pack-bags-macd-sm

Formerly a world leader in the search for other worlds, the National Ar-u Serious Agency has launched an unmanned manned spacecraft into orbit in order to see if will fall back to earth. The successful mission was preceded by much gnashing of teeth when the wind got up their respective shirts and skirts which meant delaying the launch – which isn’t as easy as it sounds because they then have to count the 10 seconds to lift off r-e-e-e-e-a-a-a-a-l-l-l-l-l-y-y-y-y-y- s-l-l-l-l-l-l-o-o-o-o-o-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-l-l-l-y-y-y-y….
The plan is to spend trillions putting a couple of people onto Mars before the Earth becomes incapable of supporting life for the billions still here! A spokesperson for NASA’s Intern programme said “See? There’s a real plus side to spending money on visiting other worlds instead of fixing this one.”

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-green-72Immi-grants to become Immi-loans in crackdown on Overseas Aid Placements!

boaters-2-macd-smCloser to home, Europe has decided to break the law of the sea and ignore anyone drowning in the Mediterranean who doesn’t have a European passport. The UK government rushed to back the idea until it realized this would include Brits.  (In related news, Westminster politicians have been demanding that the French city of Calais be closed down and moved to Eastern Europe before the province of England votes to leave the United Kingdom)

Following the Australian model of aiming guns at anyone who looks indigenous and attempts to approach their shores in anything other than first class accommodation, Britain’s coalition of power have moved to invent the “thought police”. Politicians who look up from their ipads say they intend using George Orwell’s “Road to Wigan Pier” and “1984” as instruction manuals for building the first flat pack surveillance state in world history. (inevitably there will be a few screws missing, no allen key, and the cupboard door still won’t close properly!)

 oh, and don’t forget about the book and the caption contest!

on the phone by macdIt’s out! Shelves of stocking stuffing chuckles in print for the first time!

Wondering what to get for the person who has to get everything? Why not bring a smile to their furrowed brow with ‘The Enigma Deviations’? A compendium of hidden treasures; jokes and drawings that lie waiting beneath the covers like your favourite album – or possibly your favourite person.

The Enigma Deviations

The Enigma Deviations by Mac D

two office workers, one says to the other "Zero hours? Cool! when is zero hour? Shall we synchronize watches?"

The Enigma Deviations encapsulates 120 pages of single panel cartoon humour by Mac D, the man of mystery behind Politoons.

A 21 cm square coffee table book that looks as good off the shelf as it does on the train.

You won’t find The Enigma Deviations listed on Amazon or any other merchandising site. So order a single copy or multiple copies here – we can get them delivered to you within 5 working days from receipt of payment. Or if you can, visit Jam Records, in Falmouth Cornwall where you can pick up a copy straight away!

The Enigma Deviations, £10 plus p+p

(check out a currency converter here )

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The 5th Politoons Caption Competition

The 5th Cartoon Caption Competition will be announced on Wednesday December 10th, so here’s the toon waiting for your quip! leave your line in the box below!

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Posted in cartoon captions, europe, politoons, satire, social commentary | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Enigma Deviations is out in a large print edition! (+ that caption comp BTW!)

The Enigma Deviations

The Enigma Deviations by Mac D

on the phone by macdIt’s out! Shelves of stocking stuffing chuckles in print for the first time!

Wondering what to get for the person who has to get everything? Why not bring a smile to their furrowed brow with ‘The Enigma Deviations’? A compendium of hidden treasures; jokes and drawings that lie waiting beneath the covers like your favourite album – or possibly your favourite person.

two office workers, one says to the other "Zero hours? Cool! when is zero hour? Shall we synchronize watches?"

The Enigma Deviations encapsulates 120 pages of single panel cartoon humour by Mac D, the man of mystery behind Politoons.

A 21 cm square coffee table book that looks as good off the shelf as it does on the train.

You won’t find The Enigma Deviations listed on Amazon or any other merchandising site. So order a single copy or multiple copies here – we can get them delivered to you within 5 working days from receipt of payment. Or if you can, visit Jam Records, in Falmouth Cornwall where you can pick up a copy straight away!

The Enigma Deviations, £10 plus p+p

(check out a currency converter here )

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-72

The Caption Competition

The 5th Cartoon Caption Competition will be announced on Wednesday December 10th, so here’s the toon waiting for your quip! leave your line in the box below!

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Posted in book, caption competitions, cartoon captions, mac dunlop cartoons, modern memes by macd, politoons | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Politoons Decemberist News (ISIS? what ISIS?) Stop Press: and that new book!

george osborne and the uk budget by macdpolitoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-sm

George Finds Hole in his pocket!

Chancer-gallor Osborne has got his knickers in a twist of wrapping paper as he sets out his charity stall and budget forecasts for doomsday. Noticing that the world does not look like ending before the next general election, the wizard of Toad Hall has put all his eggs in one basket-case, and sent Danny  “I may be some time” Alexander forth to field all the rotten fruit being thrown at the economic status of Britain.

Opposition finally oppose something!politoons-new-logo1-940-198-pink-72

labour leadership by macdMeanwhile the wagons are circling around the leader of the opposition as he attempts to maximize their strategy for saving the nation.

What shall we do Ed?

Hmm…Nothing, and hope for the best?

Surely we should say something! What about “Immigration control is out of control”?

Hmm…. don’t know Ed…

Tell you what, let’s ask Evette!

(later that same lunch time…)

Honey? I’m home! Sorry to rush, bu can I steal some policy ideas from you before my piano lesson?

WWIII postponed until new climate agreement is reached!

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World leaders have promised to be nice to each other and do up the house so that it can be put on the market before the bottom drops out of property – which is theft, by the way. The latest think tank has moved into a broom cupboard in Islington-under-stairs in order to keep it’s ear to the ground and it’s stock market listing in the Cayman Islands.

All of which has nothing to do with the big issues! Apart from them being more expensive because its the Bumper Xmas one - which is out on the street where you live right now!

Ho Ho …Oh Oh!

rudolph the red nosed reindeer - a satirical cartoon by MacD of politoons

more soon from the lips of the mouth of the source of the river flowing through the echoes of my mind’s eye.

 

Politoons World of Humour – The Enigma Deviations out now!

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Just in time for… that thing… what is that thing…? Get in touch to find out more about this large format collection of over 100 new cartoon! We even do printed mugs! Pre-order discounts, etc.

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and don’t forget the latest Politoons cartoon competition is nearly due, thanks to those who have already sunk a stone in the deep pool of thought for this drawing!

x macd

(ps. thanks for the inspiration:)

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Politoonz issooz week ending 27-9-14

politoons-new-logo1-940-198-blue-smdavid cameron british prime minister by macdPM rises to address imminent AM issues

News of the prime minister having gone somewhere or other to talk about climate change has been declared idle gossip spread by idlers who should be out there working. “Armchair bloggers should get a real job in journalism, then they’d find out what it’s really like to sit around all day waiting for something to happen!” said a sitting MP queuing to be whipped on the government benches.

London’s Gurning!poverty being a state of mind by macd
Squeaky trolleys have been outlawed in parts of London, as the Mayor’s new whist drive to create no go areas for anything with four wheels has taken off in a way that his plans for an airport haven’t. “This is not the time for unfit shopping trolleys and ones with duff wheels to be littering the shiny streets of the nation’s capital – by which I mean the financial district.” Said the wannabe MP from a hair salon chair in Leicester Square yesterday.

Lit Mad World Gets More Literary!lady-twerk-macd-tango-sm
The world of poetry has lauded a new collection inspired by the government focus on the national happiness index. a poet has decided that Happiness that would make the perfect title for their new collection on musings about existence as they watch people queue outside food banks.

His Story is all about Her!on the phone by macd
In other literary news, a famous fictional historian has been accused of bigotry for fantasizing about assassinating historical figures. “The past is not a playground for historians, it is a series of dates and facts, like 1066 and all that!” said a histrionic other historian, determined to get his facts right before auditioning for mastermind.

 

and don’t forget to have a go at the cartoon contest at the bottom of this link!

until we meet again dear bleeder!

Or purchase a famous collection of toons!

Achoo!… I mean Adieu!

x

(please ignore any advertising below)

Posted in mac dunlop cartoons, politoons, satire, social commentary, UK Politics | Tagged , | Leave a comment