World parties on the left of center axis imploded with rage today at the incompetence of people who are unable to fulfill their destiny by voting for more egalitarian societies. Old Labour stalking horse Frank Skinner – of the Holier than Tony Benn brigade, many of whom fought in the Spanish Civil War and bent spoons as party tricks – risked everything today by letting the Party un-select him from it’s specially selected council of counseling selectors. Enraged that a hero of many front bench wannabes could be treated with such limited democratic fervor, the un-out spoken leader of the Labour party moved to have Skinner re-deployed quickly, in the hope that no one would notice that he had ever been missing.
David Cameron, purported to be the Prime Minister of Britain, has been held hostage by the right wing of his own party and only let out on day- release today to speak to the media about failing to do anything in Europe. “How not to influence policy and lose what little you had” is the title of the new “Yes, Minister… I mean NO minister!” remake of the popular television sitcom that even in the 1980’s, no one could quite believe was real. This time, “How not to influence…” will go behind the scenes in Europe, and look up from underneath the desk of Nigel Farage as he too turns his back on Europe – as opposed to his expense account.
In an alternative reality, Sport England were accused of not diving or cheating or falling over helplessly whenever an opposing player came near them and thus loosing out on a place in the final 16 competition between the most expensively paid ball kicking teams on the planet. “It’s not our fault”, said team captain Jean Luc Picard “no one wants to dive anymore since Alan Shearer did it and was forced to sit next to Gary Lineker and pretend to look interested whenever Gary said something”. When asked why the British Lions failed to even bare their teeth, Coach driver Roy Hodgeson pointed in the direction of Liverpool and Uruguay strikers all at once saying “At least my players got that one right!”
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