Science on verge of Unifying Conspiracy Theory of Everything!
Steven Hawkwind, scientific explorer and author of several space travel guides has suggested that once we invent something smarter than us, everything we suspect might be true WILL BE!
Having taken the Oscar world by storm because they found an actor who looked remarkably like him, Dr. Hawkwind has moved astrologers to tears with his emotional call for people to come together over a pint in the local pub and muse upon what a parallel existence where there are no pubs might look like.
HSCB Doubts Savings in Swiss Accounts of Tax Evasions!
The plot thinned this week, as bankers at the height of British government took bonus culture to a new level for their high risk customers. Having dodged bullets for money laundering in the United States of Deregulation, the money-at-all-costs Financial Whizz kids have fizzed their last. The numbers game is up for tax havened Chair Sir Baron Lord might as well give him the lot Green, a Labour luvvie turned Tory turncoat whose blanket media coverage has smothered any talk of why he got where he was when everyone knew he’d done what he did.
Turning people into corporations in order to evade European Savings Time, the old watchmakers at the discredited too-big-to-bail bank went cuckoo at the clock as it wound down on their tax evasive racket.
Now the left and the right of European Monopoly Politics are faced with red blushed cheeks as they try to blame each other for getting into bed with bankers while their civil partners thought they were just working late at the office again.
“Sorry dear, must save the world you know – don’t bother waiting up, there’s a good luv!”
Youth to be Driven into Exile if found in their Bedrooms after the Next Election
Promising to hit the lackadaisical hard, the Leader of England pronounced the Youth word for the first time since the Riots of 2011. Having hugged hoodies honestly in historical hordes, the PMQ of Hospital Bethannia is now concerned that he has caught something rather serious – like the public mood or something. Driving the economy forward by putting wages and living standards in reverse, the new rules on being young are intended to push people toward middle age faster than previously expected.
Ukraine Brain Drain is Rocket Propelled Grenade say psycho-experts!
In a bid to get their tweets higher rankings and filed in the Library of Congress, neo-liberal minded mind scientists who think about thinking in the future suggest that one day everyone will be an expert in something. “Pontificating in short messages is causing a profundity crisis in everyone’s mind” say current experts who are currently estimated to be between 5 to 10 percent of the wider population. This figure is likely to expand as access to predictive text and spell checks advance the world economy into the Literary Age, as more and more smart objects become literate themselves. The world has already seen the first robot tweets – the Chinese Moon Lander that crashed last year while updating it’s FaceBook status is just one of many examples. Robot thespians have also performed the work of Mary Shelley’s “I Frankenstein” to a theatre full of ipads, the artificial performance was then re-broadcast un-live to smart phones around the world.
“But what’s that got to do with the crisis in the Ukraine?” Texted our Politoon reporter to a computer busy positioning satellites around the planet. “NO Likee, No Buyee!” replied the super mainframe as it quietly orbited past the Russian space station.
that’s it for this week
apart from…
the 8th Politoon Caption Contest is now open!
What’s your Line?
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click here for more info on the Caption contests, and to see our previous winners!
Tune in for more February Supplements over the coming days, so follow, feed, and generally spread the jam … I mean word!
The Enigma Deviations – the second volume of MacD cartoons with over 120 selections is out now
Treating itself as an institution that needs institutionalizing, the Oscars represents the best laundry powder since colour was invented. Making sure that all trophies were in the pink this year, the crowning glory of all things hype-ish got more advertising space than ever before for the new monied aristocracy of camera loving face paint and anti-aging cream. British winners fawned in unexpected ways that endeared them to their merry-can hosts, ensuring once again that fairy dust and silverware will continue to weigh heavily on British mantlepieces even when sporty ones do not.
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