Politoons 2015, issue # 6

E-Votes to follow E-Fags route!

Come election time, voters will dribble out in their tens or so complaining about the weather and how much easier it would be to stay at home and do this sort of thing online, like mostly everything else in their lives. Government officials agree, suggesting that interwoven pleb providers should slash costs for people who must use electricity to fill out confusing ballot forms. Energy providers say they are willing to help people vote, offering discounts to those who use their services if they vote as recommended by energy advisers and use the new fossil fuel loyalty card scheme. Offering air miles, coal fired warmth, and nuclear powered hot water facilities, the big 6 providers are encouraging people to ‘vote for their lives’ in return for fixed rate discounts on their locked-in price rising tariffs.

TV Reviews because there is not enough News!

Big Bother!
Kim Khazakstan has emerged from the Big Brother bubble to show off her new range of close fitting soap dishes. (‘more bath wear than formal wear’ says our fashion editor) Meanwhile stupor model Katie Half Price has also enter the house and attendant fray, saying things that embarrass her former partner, their children and anyone with a modicum of intelligence (although the later are not know to have admitted to watching the new series).

Woulf Mall!
The historic re-enactment of a load of stuff that happened 500 years ago in a medieval shopping centre near Croydon is based on a the fictionalisation of a true story about dying town centres in Tudor England. The ongoing series now in it’s first one is all made up in the best tradition of British costume dramas, and has received rave reviews for being over-intentionally dull. With no artificial light used to illuminate the Mall where the wolves live, Hillary Mantelpiece – scribe to the nation, and patented originator of the idea of historic fiction – has complained herself that the film locations are too dark to write in, and without historically accurate wi-fi, she has thus far been unable to make up the next installment of the series. Hearing of Mantlepiece’s plight, the Queen (currently being played by Helen Mirren) has kindly offered Mantelpiece free entry to all National Trust properties, asking only that a part for her be written into the show should it be retained for a second series.

In other Loyal Royal news:

Prince Charles, married twice and would be king who writes to people all the time in an attempt to influence their decisions, has raised a pair of bushy eyebrows at the thought of mounting the throne. “Oooh Errr!” said the prince privately to his present wife (a gift bride from Dubai, with the honorary title of a Ferry in Cornwall). Once it was explained to the prince that there would be no mounting or Game of Thrones while his mother was still propped up on it, Charlie visibly relaxed before returning to his Cornish Feifdom, where a huge development that will make him richer than he ever needs to be is taking up most of his waiting time while Mater continues to tick off her bucket list. (even Royals have to queue sometimes, it seems! ed.)

7th Politoon Caption Contest Winner!

This month’s questionable non-profit prize goes to Mr. C Insoll, local lad done good by all accounts (if you mean Swiss bank accounts managed by HSBC!) Oh yes, more of them this week!

Bartender: What are you drinking?
Customer: I’ll have another…………”
Bartender: What’s with the paws?