MORE WAR
As the Syrian conflict escalates into another potential drone target for the lame duck commander in chief, a pair of real ducks from a cricket match have criticized the media for it’s misrepresentation of disability issues relevant to water birds, pleading with journalists (purported to be posing as lobbyists) to promote their campaign to strengthen gun laws, and shorten the hunting season.*
(*the two birds, calling themselves “Daffy and Donald” have also registered a complaint against the use of the term “duck” in defining any resident of the American White House who happens to be in their second term of office. “We propose that “ambulantly challenged Turkey” is a more apt anthropomorphic caricature – although we wish to be clear that we mean the fan tailed dinner fowl, not the Bosphorous bordering country that is also a practicing member of NATO”)
MORE EUROPE AND MORE CORONATION!
Will-I-Am not de-Hague (ex prime-ministerial candidate, now globe trotting foreign secretary for the “Almost Entirely English” Coalition government of the nearly former UK) 
has said that – with the imminent collapse of the entire continent of Europe into a yawning chasm comprised of the financial wormhole currently engulfing it’s most southern states – “One way to celebrate the Queen’s sixty years on the throne(*) is to donate military hardware to complete strangers in an ever expanding warzone thousands of miles away, right next door to a country where we, and other like minded military industrial-complexed arms dealers, have been screwing things up for years!”
To consumate the 60 year old Coronate, a new stamp – complete with instructions (see below) – has been issued by G$S, the Olympian insecurity group, who are expected to take over the post office when it is privatized (a company with extensive experience in public services like mislaying deliveries and delivering human goods from prisons to courtrooms.
MORE GOVERNMENT SCANDAL!
Meanwhile, scandal has yet again engulfed the prime minister’s office, as it has been revealed that Larry, the Downing Street cat without portfolio, has not revealed payments he received from unregistered lobbyists for bending the ear of the Prime Minister (and licking it) apparently proposing legislation that favoured bogus pet food lobbyists in the House of Commons (btw, the litter tray is just inside the back door, to the left of the cat flap)
And so, elected politicians in the governing ungovernable tory-lition have found themselves unable to resign their seats while having to leave the party and sit in the corner wearing a pointy hat, droning on about their unblemished military record to anyone who suggests they should do the honourable thing and fall on their sword. One frustrated swivel eyed loon denied being called that when she said “You have to take the damned thing out of the scabbard first you bloody fool!”
MORE POLITICS!
The opposition and it’s double Ed sword of truce hasn’t fared much better, struggling to think of something to disagree with while they discuss their flagging poll ratings and wonder how much money the anti Europe UKIP party gets for sitting in their seats at the European parliament, making sure they look as if they’re busy whenever a British camera crew rolls by to interview actual Europeans in their natural habitat.
But for now, that’s all the fools… I mean ‘all the news’ that’s fit to print – to fit in this much space, anyway. So its goodbye from him, and don’t cry for me, with a fond fare ye well my da-ah-arling, until the next time I give a penny farthing…
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